stars ➳ l.h. au (discontinued)

07

07

☆ 

vera was sitting on the floor next to the window when i woke up. 

"the clouds are crying again," she looked outside sadly. i rubbed my eyes, throwing the covers off of myself. i sat down next to her and looked up at the sky. 

"it looks like the clouds will be crying all day," i sighed.

"i hope they feel better," vera said, she pulled her knees to her chest and rest her chin between them. she was wearing a big tee shirt and two socks that didn't match, her hair was tied up haphazardly, and her lips were set in a pout. she looked so beautiful. 

"do you want breakfast?" i asked, standing up.

"do you think the clouds have someone to make them breakfast?" she pondered. i let out a soft chuckle.

"i don't think so, vera," i laughed.

"well, maybe that's why they're so sad," she stood up and followed me into the kitchen. she sat on one of the bar stools at the island. i pulled the eggs out of the refrigerator as vera played around with the radio. i heard  her giggle every so often about how magical this "music box" was. it took her five minutes to stick to a station that was playing a soft pop love song. she hummed along to it quietly, not saying a word to me. i turned around every so often as i cooked and saw vera staring at me. she didn't blush or turn away when i caught her. her eyes only lit up when i looked at her, but i'm not sure if she realized that she was doing it. 

vera hummed happily when i placed a plate in front of her. i walked around to the other side of the island to sit next to her as we ate. 

"can we dye my hair blonde?" vera asked.

"i thought you wanted your brown hair back?" i looked at her, she was not looking at me.

"yes, but all of the pretty girls have blonde hair," vera pouted, "and pretty blue eyes." 

"vera, you don't need blue eyes and blonde hair to be pretty. your brown hair and brown eyes are already so beautiful,"  grabbed her hand.

"i don't think they are," she looked down at her nearly empty breakfast plate. "why are all of your friends stars so pretty? why don't i look like them?" 

i knew why. i knew it was because she was a dull star. i think deep down she knew it too, but she wanted a valid explanation, she wanted it to be for a good reason, "because you're special vera. wouldn't you rather be special?"

"i want to be pretty."

"you are pretty. just because you don't look like taylor or maddy doesn't mean you're not pretty," i told her. she wasn't listening. 

"i just want my brown hair back," she mumbled, defeated.

  ☆   

vera was sitting on the couch with her freshly dyed hair. she was watching a show on tv and she wasn't asking questions like she normally did. 

i was making dinner and watching her. she looked like she was on the verge of tears, but i didn't know what to say, i didn't know what to do. 

when i called her for dinner she didn't listen and stayed on the couch, so i brought dinner to her and ate next to her on the couch, she didn't eat.

"vera, what's wrong?" i sighed. she turned her head to look at me.

"my head hurts," she muttered.

"is that all?"

"no," she turned off the tv and placed her chin in her hands.

"then what's wrong?" 

"i'm not sure. i just feel sad?" she looked at me, confused. 

"is this about your hair?" i asked.

"maybe, i don't know. my head started hurting and now i feel sad," she picked up her plate, "i was thinking about the clouds a little bit. they don't have anybody that loves them." 

"well  vera, they don't have feelings, it doesn't matter," i explained.

"but you said they were crying because they're sad?" 

i sighed. i didn't want to explain to vera that the clouds weren't actually crying. i didn't want to explain anything to vera. it was getting tiring. i just wished that she would understand.  

"if you don't want to answer, that's fine. i'm sure i'll understand the clouds one day," she looked up at the ceiling as she ate. 

she didn't speak anymore. she had sensed i was getting irritated with all of the questions. i stood up from the couch. mumbled that i was tired and walked to the bedroom. i pulled my clothes of and threw myself into bed. i couldn't sleep. the rain was still pouring down outside, the light was still on outside of the bedroom, and i knew vera was sitting all alone on the couch eating her dinner and wondering what she did. 

but i still stayed in bed, waiting for sleep. because i wanted it to be tomorrow. i wanted this day to be gone. i wanted vera to feel pretty tomorrow, i wanted the sun to shine tomorrow, i wanted vera's head to feel better tomorrow, i want everything to be happy tomorrow.

but it wouldn't be and i knew that. and it was that way because i chose vera when i looked into the sky. i chose the star that was barely visible and was outshone by all of the other stars in the sky. and now on altera she was being outshone by all of the other stars on the ground, but now she was cognizant of it. everybody looked at her as an outsider and they looked at me like i was a disgrace. vera didn't deserve this, maybe i did.

i had a choice, i didn't have to choose this life. i didn't have to choose vera.

but i did. i couldn't help it.

this is kinda short but holy shit long time no see???

okay i think the last time i updated this was august which is not good so oops but i promise i'm going to start writing more because next chapter things are actually going to start happening and i've got big plans for this story so yayyyy!!!!

anyway i literally have not been able to write all school year i've been so burnt out and also like i fall into these ruts where it's just like i'm having a depression session and there's nothing i can do to get out of them, i just have to wait and it sucks and they  usually last a week at the most but i'm just like feeling better after 2 months of feeling like absolute sHIT. so since i'm feeling better i decided to write a chapter for y'all and sorry about the gloominess of this chapter but it's thunderstorming outside so appropriate??? idk

I'M SEEING PANIC! AT THE  DISCO TONIGHT ALSO I'M HYPE AF

yay

so i'll talk to you guys again real soon, check out the "conversations" section of my profile for updates on when i'll be updating 

this is a really long authors note soz but i wanted to apologize for not posting

peace out love y'alls

xoxoxo mary elizabeth