Long Live Us

Chapter Five

Cutting yourself isn't romantic, nobody is going to kiss your scars.  Sometimes you need to be your own hero.

I feel like in so many situations, self harm, depression, suicide, eating disorders, etc.. are far too romanticized.  When in all honesty, nothing is romantic about it.  Not everyone will see your cry for help, which is why you, yourself should see what you're doing as a cry for help and do something to fix it.  Don't depend on a scene from a book or a movie, depend on yourself. 

This might seem hypocritical, with the scene in this chapter, but it just goes along with the story.

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(Harry's POV)

"Louis!" I yelled, making him jump.

"Harry, yo-y-you c-cut?" he stuttered.

oh crap, he saw...

*******

"What the hell," Louis said.  He seemed mad, but I could see his eyes getting wet.

He turned around and locked the door, so neither Gemma nor my mother could walk in unannounced.

"It was my cat..  I was playing with her and I.. I," I trailed off, knowing he wasn't buying it.

"Harry, do you think I'm bloody stupid?"

"I.." was all I could make out.

"Well I sure as hell feel like and idiot, my best mate was hurting and I was too much of a dick with his girlfriend to notice it.  Oh my god, Harry..  Why?" He asked, his voice breaking at the end.

"I just, with the divorce, Gemma leaving, Nick, I just feel so worthless sometimes, y'know," I choke out as I bury my head back in my pillow.

I feel the space next to me dip and springs creak.

"Harry.." Louis says, rubbing my back, "Harry, sit up and talk to me."

"Louis, I'm sorry, okay.  You just weren't there for me when I needed you and I didn't know what to do with myself I didn't, I needed you.. and," I choked out.

I turned around and propped myself on my elbows.

Louid was fully in tears now, "Harry, I'm so sorry.  I'm such a terrible friend.  I honestly, I know I can't make this up to you, but I'll try..  I," He couldn't even finish.

I sat up and hugged him.

We both cried a little longer, until Louis sat up a bit.

He stood up and started searching through the drawers on my dresser.  He didn't find what he was looking for, so he delved for my nightstand. 

I was gonna stop him until he pushed me away and picked up something shiny.   He looked at it and I realized it was my blade, I tried to protest.  I knew he would try to flush it.

He shushed me and sat down across from me on the bed with crossed legs.

He handed me the razor and rolled his sleeve up before sticking out his wrist to me, over my lap.

"I want you to cut me, as if it were yourself, go ahead," he pushed me.

"I-I cant, Louis.." I trailed off, clenching my hand around the blade.

He sighed and said, "then how can you do that to your own skin?  When you do that to yourself, you hurt me," he said.

He opened my hand and took the razor, he slid it in his pocket and I let out a small whimper in protest.

He put a finger over my lips and grabbed my wrist.

He lowered his head and kissed the first two cuts and some of the faded ones.

He got to the last few, "don't.  ever.  do.  this.  again," he said between each kiss.

I just stared at him as he looked up and stared me straight in the eye, he started to lean in.  When he got to my lips, he stopped and turned to kiss my nose.

It was an understatement to say that I was disappointed.

He cupped my chin and looked me in the eyes again, "I'm just going to swing by my house and pick up some clothes, I'm staying for the weeked, please don't do anything."  He kissed my head and walked out the door.

I think I could still use a few more cuts.  I reach for the blade in my drawer when I realize, Louis still has my razor.

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Hey, sorry if it was short, but whatever and yeah.

ily

~Meghan