It's been 3 weeks since I've cut... In a way, I miss it, the relief it caused, the scabs, the blood dripping down my arm, so warm and so red, running so slowly from my forearm down to my elbow. I sound crazy, right? Well, maybe I am, I mean I am trusting HER again, but I did miss her, I really missed her, I don't care what happened, that's the past, why can't my family understand that? I don't like hiding stuff from them, but they wouldn't understand why I'm trusting her, but I knew her before everything happened, before the drugs, and I cared about her before all that, and I still do, I don't want to but I do.
In a way, I'm always sad, even when I'm not, I am, if that makes any sense... my heart feels heavy and I don't know why. I don't like being lonely, I don't enjoy being alone, but here I am. I push away everyone that loves me, it's what I do, and I can't help it, but I feel like I deserve to be alone. I have so many regrets and so much anger, I don't deserve to be happy. I want to be happy with life and myself but... maybe I was meant to be like this, maybe I was meant to be alone, and unhappy, and broken. Maybe I just can't be saved.
I've made my peace with that. You should too.
