Our Life

Violet

Hey guys. Today has been a crazy day, and thats saying something considering how its only 12:30. My grandparents have been staying at our place for the weekend, helping us remodel and all that. I saw my dad this weekend too! It felt great seeing him again.

As Ave has informed everyone, I am going through a rough patch in life. I'm kind of losing my sanity, and really all I want is to be happy. Im not saying im not ever happy, but lately smiling seems to be rare. Having my grandparents and cousin here this weekend, and seeing my dad helped me loosen up a bit. I swear they're hilarious! Always making me laugh. 

Though, when I was visiting my dad, I found I still wasnt smiling like I used to. Is it just me, or does getting older mean that smiling is at an all time low? He'd joke around, does something crazy, which would normally make me laugh until im crying, but I kept finding myself thinking about the problems im faced with. 

Here's the story: recently Ave and I made a YouTube video. Let me just say, it was amazing! Our video was originally 1 hour and 20 minutes long, but we cut that waaaay down, to about 5 minutes. I didnt tell my parents though, and yes I know thats my fault since they are a bit strict on the whole internet thing. But sometimes its hard telling my parents information. My mom sometimes gives this look of disappointment or disapproval, and I haven't even said the main part. Which is another reason why I find it so hard to talk to anyone in the world, because I look at their face, and in their eyes, and I just see disappointment. I know its silly, but im always trying to give my best and work hard, so sometimes it brings me down. But anyways, I didn't tell my parents. How did they find out? Well....I sort of....texted my mom instead of Ave about it. And all hell broke loose. 

She came home, demanding to know what I was talking about. Which I agree she has the right to know. Honestly, from that point and on I had said some stuff trying to explain to her why I always hide things from them. Of course, since its me, my words made no sense and were offensive. 

So, in conclusion, I screwed up again. Yup, im always screwing up, but I always get so pissed off at myself for messing up. I try not to, but sometimes I convince myself that I am just bound to forever make mistakes. 

Anyways, after that everything's been a blur. School, life, friends. My mom said I needed to decide whether or not im moving out. And now thats all I can think about. Its a scary thought, having to decide if you're going to live on your own, make your own rules, but suffer with bills and all that. Or if you are going to stay at home, obeying the same rules you've needed to obey since middle school. 

Anyways, I think my asthma has come back again. I haven't used an inhaler in 2 years, and last night I needed to use it so bad. I felt like no air was getting to my lungs! I dont know why its starting up again. 

Honestly I always feel bad telling Ave about my problems. Im always convinced I can figure it out on my own. In fact thats what I've always done, but now its different. I always hear how friends help each other in difficult situations, and ive always wanted that, but I never had the right friends. Now, I know I have a great friend to help me out. But I only ever tell her the small problems, and yes, my whole leaving or staying at my parents house is a small problem. I would feel terrible if I told her my biggest problems, especially when she stresses out over my problems just as much as she would stress out over her own. I'm always faced with problems, and half of them I have never or will never tell anyone, just because I know that I need to fix them if I want anything to go back to normal.  

But in the end, problems are just problems. Another part of a puzzle for you to figure out. And I think im pretty good at puzzles. 

Oh im so sorry. Lately my writing is all about drama. I wonder if this is the same thing as writing in a diary. If so, this is kind of awkward. Ive never had a diary really. Just....a whole bunch of unfinished short stories. 

Yeah.....762 words....now 764. I think everyone is tired of reading about my everyday problems. 

It was storming last night, oh and was I excited! But I slept through all of it....I was sooo tired! And today is my last day of no work, sadly. I wish I had another week or two off, but thats not the real world! 

Honestly, kids who might be reading this, when grownups tell you to be happy you're a child and to stop rushing, you should listen. I'm only 17, and ive been trying to rush childhood since I was 14. And now I wish I hadn't done half the stuff I have done. Maybe things would be better today. So children! (Here I go sounding like an old lady....) Dont rush! Be content in what you have now cause you will never have another childhood. 

Not trying to scare you 😝 (<-- I wonder if these smiley face are showing when people read this...) 

OKAY OKAY! Ill stop typing....and sorry for all the wrong grammar and mispelt words. Jeez! Its like Ave is brainwashing me! Lol no jk, its just because im using my phone to type this. 

Bye guys! Have a great day! 😄