Defining Paradox

Chapter one:The Disadvantages of Having a Super Hot and Famous Ex-Boyfriend

Right now, I’m in a jet plane to Manila. As I look out the window, I can see my hometown moving farther and farther away from me, and all I could do was watch it drift away. I couldn’t do anything. I know that leaving London will be extremely hard for me, but I know that it is necessary. That was the past, and now I’m moving closer to my future.

I can tell you now, being in a break up is hard. Whether you’re the one who broke someone’s heart or you’re the one whose heart got broken, it can hurt you. Break ups can leave scars. Some scars are bigger than others. But in the end, they all take away a part of you.

People told me that I’m just a girl. I didn’t know what love truly meant, and I’m too young, too naïve to understand it. They told me to stop being such a baby and move on. People told me that he’s just a boy. I’m just sixteen years old, and that there are so many fish left in the sea. Some told me that I should just shrug it off and let it be. I brought it to myself, anyway. It was my fault for trusting him. I should’ve used my head.

Yeah, they’re right. Maybe I’m just being melodramatic or just plain clingy, but no one can deny that it truly hurts. That it truly leaves a mark, until you’ve had enough and you just break and fall into pieces, like shattered glass. But it’s a different story if you’re dating a rock star. And that’s what happened to me.

My break up with him left a somewhat large scar. But I couldn’t say that I didn’t see it coming. I knew that it would happen. I knew that one day, he’d get bored, and that he’d cheat on me with another model, just like what he did to all of his ex girlfriends. After all, I was just another notch up his belt. I was just another trophy to him, another addition to his collection. I knew that when the time would come, it would be so fast, that it would hit me between the eyes. But still, I didn’t expect him to say that on public television. I didn’t think that he’d be that cruel.

~

It was the day of our sixth month anniversary.  Everyone thought he has finally changed, because this was his longest relationship yet. He was a sweet and thoughtful boyfriend, always surprising me after my photo shoots and even picking me up at school. I even hoped that he would settle down with me. But isn’t that the thing most girls want? A bad boy to fall in love with them and change? I think that’s the problem with us girls. We expect too much.

I woke up, grinning like an idiot as I saw the calendar.

“Daddy, Has Jason called yet? He said he’ll be calling me before he goes to his morning interview.” I looked at the clock. 9:45. His interview would start in 15 minutes.

“No… but his manager called to tell me that Jason said he can’t call today, he said that he’ll be busy, you know with promoting his new album.” Dad said.

Oh yeah, I remembered. Jason was signed under my dad’s recording company. He just finished his third album this week, and he’s doing all these interviews and press conferences to promote it. I nodded. Oh well, it’s just a call, no need to sulk. No biggie.

I turned on the TV and waited for the show to start. Somehow, I got used to it, watching my boyfriend on TV. It was the same thing, watching someone I know on TV, like I did in my younger years.

I watched my parents in television shows too. My dad was the vocalist of a British rock band in the 90s. Meanwhile, my mom was a Filipina actress, famous for starring in countless Hollywood blockbuster films. When Ryan Berkeley and Samantha Capistrano became an item, they were suddenly two of the biggest names in the world. All the people seemed to be talking about them, on how they look so good together, how they will earn so much money if they end up being married, how extravagant would their life be. Of course they did marry, but then divorced eight years after. After my parent’s divorce, I felt incomplete, scarred, and broken. It was one of the events in my life that left a huge scar, a permanent one.

“Welcome back to ‘Good Morning, England’! Today, we have a very important guest in our show.” The host paused for a dramatic effect, as the audience started squealing and cheering.

“An award winning singer-songwriter, resident heartthrob and bad boy, let us all welcome, Jason Martin!” The host’s lively voice took me away from my thoughts.

As I glanced at the television screen, I could see my boyfriend, smiling and looking as dashing as ever. Those golden brown eyes, dirty blonde hair, a set of perfect, white teeth made teenage girls scream. (Okay, I admit, I used to be one of those screaming girls. But that was then.) He stared right at the camera and grinned, and I even felt that that smile was for me and for me only.

He's good at doing that. Making you feel that you're special, even though you're really not. 

“Good morning England! It’s great to be here.” Jason grinned and waved to the camera. Cue the hysterical screaming of fan girls.

They started with small talk, mostly about his career, his album, his music. When the questions turned to me however, he just laughed.

“So, I heard today is your sixth month anniversary with your girlfriend, Sapphire Berkeley.” The host started, her eyes gleaming in eagerness. I waited for Jason’s response. Part of me wanted him to make a grand romantic gesture on live television, just for me, just because he’s never done it with anyone else. Jason laughed well naturedly.

“Yeah, it’s supposed to be.” He said. The audience shared some confused expressions, along with the host and me. However, if he noticed, he never flinched. He just continued smiling

“I’m here to tell everyone that Sapphire and I just broke up. Just now actually.” His words shocked me. Uh, I’m sure I didn’t say anything like that. I’m certain I didn’t break up with my boyfriend.

Everyone gasped. It was really shocking. There was never really an issue about us. There wasn’t any scandal. We never fought up to the point that it would be on tabloids. We never really had problems that big. We’d just have petty little fights and he would always say sorry after. Our relationship was going well actually. Well, at least I thought it was. Maybe that’s why. It was too perfect, too boring.

“Really?" How come? You looked so cute together!” the host pouted.

“I just realized that she’s not the one for me. The spark was just gone, you know. I’m actually seeing Victoria Diaz, you know, the new model. We’ve been seeing each other for quite some time now. I just had to say this now because I’m sorry.” Jason turned to the camera and gave the audience one of his famous smiles. The smile that at first, I found endearing. But now, it just made me want to punch his face and stick my foot up his nostrils.

“I'm sorry babe, that’s just how life is.”

~

“Ms. Berkeley.” One of my father’s body guards called my attention. I opened my eyes, still half asleep, the memory of Jason still fresh in my mind. I rubbed my eyes and for a second, I saw Mr. Bodyguard smile, a small one, but it was enough to bring my spirits up. That guy never smiles. That has to count for something. He gestured outside.

“We’re here.”