Give Me Love - Larry Stylinson - Wattys2014 Entry

Two Sides To Every Story

The rising sun beamed through the crack in the silk curtains, causing streaks of light to dance around on the quilt above us as the delicate curtains swayed in the serene summer breeze. The gentle humming of the wind was usually enough to calm even the most frayed of nerves, as it whistled past the balcony door quietly, masking the sweet song of the perching birds a little, muting the harsh chirps into pretty little notes. But today, it just made me feel worse.

I glanced at the sleeping beauty next to me, light blonde hair splayed across the soft feather pillow like a fan, just their long bare neck exposed above the quilt, unblemished apart from the small red mark that resided on their sweet spot in the smooth dip of their collar bone, reminding us both of my claim on her, an instinctive act in the heated orgasmic bliss last night.

It was honestly a gift from god, just how amazingly gorgeous she was, and most days I just would just sit and watch her, admiring her, wondering how on earth I had managed to win the heart of such a precious treasure. Because I sure as hell didn't deserve her, and today would prove that, no matter how much I might try and prevent it.

My phone alarm began to beep, echoing loudly through the large honeymoon suite, signalling that yes, this was really it. It was almost alien to me, the sound of a wake up call, after having a whole year off. A whole year of freedom. No interviews, no deadlines, no shows. In a way, we had all needed it, but all for different reasons.

Zayn had used his time off wisely. Before we all parted company 12 months ago, he and Perrie finally got married, and then went off on a 2 month honeymoon to a top secret island. During it, Perrie fell pregnant, and she gave birth to a healthy little girl, Jennifer Rose Malik, around a month ago. I would be lying if I said I wasn't envious of him, especially after they came to visit and I held her. It reminded me of the first time I held baby Lux, which brought back so many happy memories, but unfortunately with the wrong person.

Liam spent his year more productively. To the fans disappointment, he and Sophia split up about a month in, but nobody ever found out why. However due to the fact he then got back with Danielle 2 weeks later, I think we all have a pretty good idea of what it could have been, not that I'm complaining, I've always preferred Dani. He's spent the year touring around the world with her in tow, trying out surfing at all the different beaches in the world, including spending a week here with us when I joined him on the beaches. We've kept in contact, but he seems to be living the dream, and I'm not exactly sure he wants it to end.

Niall has been pretty much doing a bit of everything really! He brought his derby season ticket again, for both home and away, so most Saturdays he spends watching is favourite team from his special seat, doing interviews, signing autographs, and causing a massive crowd outside the stadium every time, more than the players did sometimes! About 6 months ago, he had a knee operation, and took a month from the limelight to recover, and then he just spend the rest of his time doing, I guess, whatever comes to mind! Going to Ireland games, touring pubs, watching Big Brother with Marvin and Rochelle, just being a normal teenage boy! We haven't seen eachother at all, what with me being in LA for the whole year, but we've phoned and Skyped quite a bit, so all's good between us.

And finally, there's him. Him. The reason I am so nervous for today. I would be lying if I said I hadn't kept track of him, in fact, I've actually kept tabs on everything to do with him. Which is probably why I'm so apprehensive about today. Because for the last month, nobody has seen him. The rest of the year he spent clubbing and travelling and partying with celebrities, having the time of his life apparently. But then he just disappeared. And none of us had heard from him. I had vowed I wouldn't contact him. Said I didn't care. But I couldn't help but call him last night. And he didn't pick up, which broke me more than it should have.

And me? I had spent this year wading into a world which I didn't belong. Trying to change myself. Pleasing everyone but myself. And with that, hurting the only person I really care about.

Why?

Because I made the wrong decision that fateful day last year. I choose simplicity over what I wanted. The cowards way out. I choose her instead of him. It didn't matter what the fans, or the papers, or even what my family and friends said. It really was all me.

And instead of fixing things when I had the chance, I jumped in deeper. I did the worst thing I could've done to him.

And lay here now, hours from seeing him again, I knew that I had made the wrong choice. I knew I would never forgive myself. And I doubted he would ever forgive me, not that I deserve to be forgiven.

Abi stirred in her slumber, rolling over and slinging her arm over my torso, snuggling up into my side. But instead of leaning into her like I usually did, I quickly slipped out from under her grasp, running to the bathroom and slamming the door behind me. The lingering smell of sex and sweat from the other room had me dry retching into the toilet, burning my throat, wrecking my voice. My punishment for my sins, I deserved every bit of pain I felt and 10x more.

It suddenly hit me, the thing I had know for months but had pushed to the back of my crazed, delusion mind. I couldn't do this. I couldn't let the parts of my messed up life finally get mixed up. I wasn't ready for this.

But I only had 3 hours till they came to pick us up. Both of us.

3 hours till I had to choose a side. And neither side ended completely happily.