Broken

Mandy McNough/My Pathetic Life

Now because I'm refusing to leave my hospital bed, everybody comes to see me, instead of me seeing them:
Aunt Caroline
Uncle Larry
Cousin Penny
And my psychologist, Mandy McNough.
Mandy has given me a dairy, and says to write down my opinions, thoughts and feelings. Just me and my diary. It was private. And it was fair. So here is my most recent entery:
September 4 2018
Dear future me,
Today I've had yet another flash back of the car accident, only in this specific memory, all sound is on mute, AND I'm able to see everything (blurred). The one main thing I remember, is seeing both my parents terrified faces while screaming. Like an indescribable nightmare.

I'm currently, feeling quite depressed, on my own here. And I didn't attend their funeral. I wouldn't leave my bed. I couldn't physically force my body to move on the day. I did plan to go. And guilt is building in my chest like heavy weights, watching and waiting for me to fail, or breakdown. I want them to know that I'm trying.
Jane Gray

I watch for any sign of sympathy on Mandy's face as she reads my entery. She's promised not to be sympathetic, (I disagree with anything with the word pathetic in it because it makes me compare my life to others.) she scans through very quickly. Then again. And again. "I....hought... hou.... howers." She mumbles. She's crying and being emotional. She holds out a bunch of flowers.
Oh.
Flowers.
She brought me flowers.
Daisies, mums favourite. Dad would always buys her those on valentines day.
I'll have to show...
Her.
Suddenly I burst out crying, my eyes a nonstop waterfall, as my face is covered with salty tears, and my breathing is heavy and I'm uncontrollably sobbing. Everything I've held in, is all coming out... all of my feelings:
The realisation of the fact that there is no one who loves me.
The fact that I didn't say goodbye and totally snobbed my own parents.
And everything else that was once packed up inside of me is out in the open.
After I calm down Mandy asks what triggered my crying, and I explain to her everything. Every last pathetic detail of my life.
"Your life is not pathetic, merely BROKEN, and I'm here to help you piece everything together. Your never alone. I'm here. Your family is here. We are all here for y-" The bell goes off on her timer, she pecks me on the cheek, tells me to remember to take my pills, says her goodbyes, and is out of my atmosphere. "LUUNNNCCHHTTIIMMEE!!!!" Yodels a feminine voice.

...

"So, hamburger, or chilli cheese fries, I'll have both of your not hungry." A slender blonde emerges from behind the curtains holding a tray of, low and behold, a cheese burger and chilli cheese fries. "SAMANTHAAAA!" I squeal outloud.
Info on Samantha Peek:
Mothers best friend.
Has seen me running around naked in sprinklers as a baby.
Mother to Lola.
Always hungry.
Divorced (twice).
And shortest adult I know.
Just as I scoff chilli cheese fries in my mouth, around the curtain comes... *mental drum roll* LOLA!! Also carrying a tray of, ice-cream, all types of Cadbury chocolate, three slushies, and more chilli cheese fries, (our favourite comfort foods). She drops this on the table, wobbles over to me and squeezes me so tight I wonder if she'll let me go. But I've missed hugs. No one has hugged me since, well you know. "Ok! Get up! Get up you little lazy-" I furrow my eyebrows,  Lola pauses, and stops herself from swearing, "Ahumm, hop out of bed come on!!" I slide out of bed. I haven't stood up in weeks, not even to go to the toilet,"Now mum and I have gone shopping for you, we are going to get away from here, we are going to Bora Bora! Now try on this dress." I do as I'm told. I strip down and slip on the dress.
Fits like a glove, a beautiful halter top, navy blue glove.
"Now we weren't sure if you actually wanted any of your old clothes, so we went crazy, and we bought you enough clothes to last you years! But our trip is only one week, and while our plane leaves tomorrow, we are still taking you out for dinner." Says Samantha, even though she, Lola and I just ate, still wants to go out for dinner...