When Hope is Gone

Chapter 2

"Bye mom!" Ash says as I quickly hug and kiss her goodbye.

"Goodbye, sweetie, I'll see you when I come to pick you up, okay?"

She nods and says, "Okay mom!" She promptly runs off to play with the other kids. I stand up and walk out of Ash's daycare center.

I hate having to leave her here all day, but unfortunately I have no other options. It's too dangerous for her to come with me to work, and there's no one at home to take care of her. No one at home.

The repressed memories I've done my best to hide away for so long come back to me for a second.

His smile.

Her laugh.

His lips.

Her stories.

They flash before my eyes for only a moment, but that's all it takes.

I can't breathe.

My fault.

My fault.

Breathe in... two... three...

Breathe out... two... three...

Not my fault.

It was not my fault.

Stumbling, I climb into my car and drive to work, haunted by the faces that I will never see again.

***

I make it to the elevator just in time. As soon as I get to my station, I check the Wish Collector for any new wishes. The first to pop up is a six year old boy who wants a toy dump truck. I walk over to the computer and pull up the one and only eBay. As I'm making the search for the truck, my phone begins to ring. I glance at the number right before I answer it, seeing that it was Ash's day care.

Fear pulses within me. What had happened? Did Ash come down with something? She had been feeling a little bit sick last week, but for the past few days she was doing perfectly fine.

Pushing my worries to the back of my mind, I answered the phone. "Hello?" I asked.

"Hi, is this Toni Steele?" A woman asked.

The wave of fear overtakes me again, stronger this time. "Yes it is," I reply.

"Hello, Toni. Your daughter Ash got into some trouble at her daycare and we're going to need you to pick her up."

"Wait a second," I say in a worried tone, "What did she do? Ash is practically an angel, I don't understand."

"Everything is okay, Miss Steele, we will discuss it when you arrive."

***

I walk into Ash's daycare, my brain grasping at any hint toward what Ash may have done. A woman approaches me with Ash in tow.

"Miss Steele, I have a very important issue to discuss with you," she says. I stare at her in shock. What on earth- "I'm afraid to inform you that Ash was caught playing with another little girl named Brooke. They had their hands making the shape of guns. They were pretending to shoot each other."

She's kidding. She has to be. This is just a joke to make me a little bit more lenient towards what Ash has really done. But the expression on the woman's face was quite serious. You've got to be kidding me...

"Finger guns." I say in a disbelieving tone. "You interrupted my work day because my daughter was playing with finger guns."

"Yes ma'am, I-"

"Are you serious? You can't be. She's four for heaven's sake who cares if she's just playing a game? It's not like she's going to shoot up a school someday! She understands the difference between right and wrong, unlike you. You have no right to interrupt my workday for something as trivial as this." I pause to look at Ash. "Ash, dear, I'll see you at four. Mommy isn't mad at you, just at the idiots who run this place. Love you darling!" And with that I promptly pivot on my heels before I could be interrupted and exit the building.

True to my word, I turn up at Ash's daycare at four to pick her up. Apparently she isn't allowed to show up for the next two days do to her behavior, which means that I have to find a sitter. I'll have to ask the last girl we used if she's available. Otherwise I don't know what I'm going to do.

As soon as we get to the car, Ash says to me, "Mommy, mommy, guess what!"

I smile. "Let's see... I know! You went to the moon today!"

She giggles and says, "No silly, guess again!"

"Hmmm.... did you make a new friend?"

She grins and nods. "Yes! Her name is Brooke! She's my best friend!"

Brooke. That sounded familiar... "That's great, sweetie! What did you two do today?"

"We played Aliens versus Humans! I was the alien!" Oh, honey, if you only knew, I think. "We tried to shoot each other back and forth and I won!" She continued, "But then we got in trouble, and she wasn't very happy. I can't wait to see her when we get back!"

I smile and say, "Well congrats on winning! I'm so sorry that you got in trouble today. If I had any other options I would move you to a different day care-"

"No!" She wines, "I won't be able to see Brooke!"

"Well, okay," I give in, "Do you know why?"

She shakes her head. "Why?"

"Because I love you, my darling. And I want you to be happy."