"I am so messed up. I hate myself. I am my beater.I am my destroyer. I am my demons.I am my critic. I am my enemy."
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Atharva didn't know how he managed to let those words come out of his mouth, but he felt satisfied for being able to tell her the truth. He realized his condition wasn't the same anymore. He was improving after years, even if it was just a little.
He didn't think how bitter his words were. He didn't think how he hurt her. He didn't think how her heart broke. He didn't think how she cried to sleep. He didn't think how she starved herself. He didn't think about how she was waiting for him to return home. She felt tired for the first time.
He made his way into the office building, not acknowledging the presence of his staff when they greeted him. He just wanted to be left alone for a while, but we don't always get what we want, and the same thing happened with him.
"Wait, Atharva!" Maria put down the phone and smiled at him. "Good morning."
His footsteps slowed in front of her desk, and he gave her a weak smile. "Good morning, Maria."
He didn't understand how she could be so cheerful in the morning, or maybe he was the only one who was sulking always.
"Are you okay?" she asked him with concern etched on her face. She knew something was wrong with him because he always greeted her in the morning, unless his mood was off, which was happening a lot recently.
He gritted his teeth. "Yeah, all good."
Maria frowned. She could tell Atharva was lying. "How is Aahana?"
This time Atharva didn't answer, instead looked down at his polished shoes. He didn't have anything to say because he didn't want to lie. Aahana wasn't fine, and she would never be as long as he was a part of her life. He hated himself for it.
"Are you both happy?"
"I can never be happy," he finally said.
"But why, Atharva? Isn't she nice?" Maria's frown deepened. She had already met Aahana on their wedding day. She was an absolute sweetheart, so friendly and beautiful, she had won Maria's heart. That one conversation was enough for her to know that Atharva would be the happiest man with Aahana as his life partner.
He shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I don't know..." Then he started walking in the direction of his cabin, leaving her confused and troubled.
He could never talk about it, not with anyone. He couldn't wear his emotions on his sleeve for people to see, for they would only make a joke of him.
Sighing heavily, he unfolded his laptop and switched it on to finalize the presentation he was to email to the Mumbai investors when Pranav reminded him about the meeting he had today in an hour. Cursing under his breath, he handed all the files to Pranav, and they both took off to the Taj Mahal hotel. Luckily they reached in time. Otherwise, with how awful the traffic in Delhi was, it would have taken them forever.
