If I Had A Heart

Chapter 4

Regine walked home faster than usual that night. Not being able to pinpoint why, she did her best to get home as soon as possible, quickening her pace until her apartment complex came into view. Finally reaching her place on the third floor of the building, she located her keys and entered the darkened room. With her back against the door, she felt the weight of the day hit her like a ton of bricks and let herself slide down the length of the door until she was slumped lifeless on the carpet.

Maybe her shift that night had been more draining than she previously thought. Fighting to keep her eyes open, she reached for her boots and slid them off her feet, throwing them in the general direction of her room and not caring if she missed her mark.

Her neck was sore and throbbing, most likely the result of being so tense during her walk from St. Mary's. She kept expecting to hear the rumble of a certain motorcycle behind her, looking over her shoulder every so often to confirm her suspicions, but the streets were dead silent. Rubbing her temples, her thoughts were interrupted by the thunderous growling coming from her stomach and she realized she hadn't eaten since her late breakfast with Jane that afternoon.

Picking herself up off the floor, she headed to the kitchen to prepare a nutritious late-night snack that consisted of potato chips and a few chocolate chip cookies. She wasn't much of a cook and certainly was no stranger to eating junk food for dinner, so she promised herself that she would try to wake up early enough to go for a run before work to make up for her indulgence. Munching on a handful of salty crisps, Regine hoisted herself up on the kitchen counter, sitting in silence.

These late nights after her shifts always were the loneliest times of her day, with Jane usually out or asleep, leaving Regine to eat dinner on her own. Ever since she could remember, she had been a night owl, staying up long enough to watch the sunrise most mornings. She would occupy herself with books and music, headphones permanently glued to her ears as her eyes poured over the latest Stephen King novel. Jane would sometimes stay up with her and they would have movie marathons or just spend the night talking outside on their balcony. Regine cherished those nights and having someone to spend the dark hours of the night with always made her feel less isolated from the world. But Jane was in school, having class most mornings during the week. Her sleeping pattern also wasn't as wacky as Regine's, leaving her to her own devices most of the time.

It wasn't that she didn't relish in her solitude, but she sometimes wished for someone to talk to at times like these; someone who understood what the night meant for her. The apartment was too quiet some nights and she longed for an escape when the loneliness began to creep inside her. Her mind slowly went back to St. Mary's.

Maybe she should've gone inside with David. Maybe then she would be surrounded by a few familiar faces and Jane, who always knew how to make her feel better about things. She could be playing pool with Marko, even pretending not to show off in front of David who would no doubt be watching the two like a hawk. She could have gotten that drink she wanted, maybe even buying a round for the group with what little extra cash she had made that night.

If she had just continued to talk with David outside, then perhaps she could've gotten over her nerves and actually have fun. She couldn't explain why she'd given up their little game during their last encounter, but Regine was tired of hiding her profession. It was difficult sometimes for her to tell new people what she did, especially men. If she had been upfront with him from the beginning and even confronted him about being at the club that night, would he still be interested in her? Regine didn't know.

She didn't know a lot of things, like how old he was and what he did during the day. Did he go to school? Have a job? A girlfriend, even? She knew next to nothing about the allusive leader of those motorcycle-riding vagabonds yet she did feel better knowing that she'd gotten his name this time.