do you believe in miracles?

chapter 1

I couldn't find my balance on the podium. I tried to act strong. I wasn't. I still pulled myself together. I was shaking, I had around 70 people seated in front of me. I was nervous. Then my lips persued.

"My name is Emana. I was Aaron's Em.
A. was so special to me I regret not seeing him." I took a pause. My eyes closed. I tried not to cry. I didn't. I continued " I swear I can still feel him playing with my hair even though there's not much to play with." The crowd gave a small laugh. "I believe in miracles and he was mine. I was always held by his imagination and I will continue to. The world is a lake sorrounded by Oak trees and God made a Oak tree for each one of us. I remember what A. said " We share one, Em" and now that he is gone and I have it all to myself the truth is, I don't want it anymore. I'd rather live my life not having my Oak tree then not being able to share it with him". I cried. "Without him here amongst us we are all miserable. But I know that the universe will pull us back to our Oak tree, eventually.I know it. As I said I believe in miracles, till then I am just a girl in love with the idea of the presence of a dead boy".

I stepped down from the podium. I avoided any sort of eye contact with anybody but I could see everyone moved by my speech. I missed him. Even though he was gone I left him a text.

Me: funeral speech succesful. I wish you were here. Oh,wait. It was your funeral speech. Sorry. But I know if you have like a door in heaven and you pressed your ears against that door and you heard my speech, I know you'd be crying your pants off. I am sorry. (Not really,I am not) but I do miss you and I do love you,my love and I mean it , forever.

I never got a reply.

After a few minutes Jae approached. He pulled a chair next to me and said "hey, you okay ?". "I'm fine,I guess" I replied."wanna go grab a coffee or something?". " No, I can't right now, I have to go to lunch with Mrs. Mayen. (Aaron's mom) I'll text you around five pick me up from my hotel,okay?. " Sounds cool, five it is. Okay see you later then "he said. I nodded and waved my hand towards him as he got up and left . Jae was Aaron's best friend. We spoke a few times over texts. He was more broken than I was. He didn't show it , but I knew he was .

I was sitting in the exact same position for an hour after I gave my speech . People started leaving . I heard people consoling mrs.Mayen. I heard one of them say "such a good boy he was, Aaron. God bless his soul , it is gonna be okay lily." I saw a lady approach me. I got nervous. I wanted to laugh on her uneven lipstick flowing outside her lips.but ofcourse I didn't. She came to me and said "what a speech,sweetie. Lovely words those were". I smiled. "How did you know Aaron,sweetie ?". I stared past her.

I closed my eyes.

Flashback of two months ago.