Here he was again, in another woman's arms.
I watched him from afar as he entangled himself to a beautiful and seductive woman. They were both laughing. The woman was flirtatiously hitting Axcel's arm. Maybe he told her a funny joke. He's good at that.
Seems like they're having fun together.
I felt it again. The pang in my chest.
I'm used to it. I'm used to the pain brought by Axcel's infidelity. Hindi pa kami alam ko nang playboy siya. Kalat sa university and pagiging babaero niya. Kaliwa't kanan ang mga babae niya.
Ang balita nga, mas mabilis pa siyang magpalit ng babae kesa sa pagpapalit ng damit.
He was that.
Jerk.
Playboy.
And devilishly handsome.
Kaya nga halos hindi makapaniwala ang buong school nang ligawan niya ako. Lalong lalo naman ako.
Nung una, alangan ako sa kanya. Siyempre naman, sino ba naman ako para ligawan ng isang Axcel Martin Henares. Simple lang ako. Tahimik sa school. Wala masyadong friends. Hindi pa ganun kaganda.
Yet, he chose me.
Sabi nila pustahan lang daw kaya niya ako niligawan. Sabi naman ng iba, bored lang daw siya at ako ang napili niyang past time. Sabi nila... sabi nila.
But he courted me for almost a year. He showed me how serious his intentions were. Hatid-sundo niya ako sa school. Parati niya akong sinasamahan mag overnight kapag may tinatapos ako school works. Dinadalhan niya ako ng pagkain pag nalilimutan ko magbaon ng lunch. Parati niya akong tinetxt at tinagawagan. He even let me wore his jacket na may apelyido niya sa likod nung championship game sa basketball. It's like declaring that I am his. And he is mine.
And during those time, I never saw him with another woman.
Only with me.
And that made me feel special.
I fell for him.
He made me feel special.
He made me feel loved.
He love me , he said. And I believed. That's why I agreed to be his girlfriend. I thought that time, magbabago siya. Na he will never be that playboy whom I used to heard of him.
I hoped.
But I failed.
Because after almost three months of being his girlfriend, he started seeing other women.
Right. Women.
At first, I cried.
I cried hard.
How could he? He said he love me. He promised me that it will be just me.
Only me.
But what's this? Bakit may kayakap siyang iba? Bakit may kasama siyang iba? Bakit may kahalikan siyang iba? Bakit? Am I lacking? Am I not good enough? Bakit?
I cried my heart out. I cried until I was tired. I cried until I fell asleep.
I thought that seeing him cheating on me will make me love him less. I thought it will be like that.
But I was wrong.
Because at the end of the day, after what he did, I still love him.
Worse, I love him more.
It's still him.
Stupid me.
I pretended that nothing happened. I saw nothing. I knew nothing.
I acted normal around him, for he was normal around me. It's as if wala siyang ginagawang masama. It's as if he's not screwing somebody else behind my back. It's as if I was the only woman he's dating.
Akala ko siya lang ang magaling umarte. Ako din pala.
But pretending that something does not exist doesn't make it gone for good.
Because I still cry and he still cheats.
And I still love him.
And he still says that he loves me.
So, I held my silence.
I wanted him to confess to me his unfaithfulness and ask for my forgiveness because I want to forgive him. And I can't forgive him if he's not asking for it.
But three months had passed, and yet, he's still not asking for it. All were still the same. I cry. He cheat. I love him.
I wiped another batch of tears that fell from my eyes. They're not yet done. They're still having fun.
Martyr? That's me. But don't judge me unless you've tried wearing my shoes. Because only then you'll be able to understand my actions.
I decided to call him.
He answered after three rings.
"Hi, babe!" He greeted cheerfully, as if that there's nothing wrong, while his woman's head was leaning on his shoulder.
Was I really wrong to love him?
"He-hello, babe!" I managed to smile while wiping another batch of tears. "Where are you?" I asked.
I saw him look around the place. Good thing I'm wearing shades and a shawl around my head.
"I'm out with a friend, babe. Why?"
Was she really a friend, Axcel? But why are you cuddling her? Is that how you treat a friend.
You must be so friendly.
"Ahmmm... Ano... Magpapasundo sana ako. O-okay lang ba?"
"Sure thing, babe. Where are you?"
"T-text ko sayo yung address."
"Sige, sige." I saw him signalled his woman silence. She just giggled.
Why? Are you afraid to be busted by me? But why not confess? It would be better than to be caught red handed.
"Okay. Bye, babe."
"Bye. Love you, babe, " he said and ended the call.
Sumakit yung dibdib ko sa narinig.
Bakit ba sabi ka ng sabi ng mga salitang yun? Bakit ba ang fall sayong sabihin ang mga katagang yun? Haven't anybody told you that those words we're meant to be said as if you're life's depending on it?
I saw him stand up and bid farewell to the girl. She gave him a peck on the lips. He just pinched her cheeks.
Then he went off.
Humigpit yung hawak ko sa cellphone ko.
Damn you, Axcel.
