Dirty Little Secret

Secret IV

Secret IV

Blaire …

The cool air feels like heaven as I watch the sun sets outside my room. I drink my cup of chocolate milk and I lean forward to the railings. I felt the cold wind passed to my naked nape. I haven’t seen my dad since I got home today.

I saw Barney, my dog, came out of his cage. He’s a Siberian husky that my dad gave me when I was eleven. He has a very fluffy fur and to big ears. I think he’s going to take a bath. How I wish to play with my dog again.

A little kid and a man were walking on the road. I can see how happy they are. Father and daughter bonding. It sucks. I let out a deep sigh. It’s amazing how at one point in our lives we will be extremely close to someone and then later they will become a complete stranger. You will pass by them without a word. Without a single acknowledging look. This person who once knew you so well, who once knew your fears, your desires, your dreams, is now walking right through you. I knew that eventually he’d give up on me. I just never imagined it would hurt this much.

I blew the hairs that fell on my forehead. “Twinkle, twinkle little star. How I wonder what you are.”

“Blaire!” I looked down to know where that voice came from and noticed that was my dad holding a shampoo bottle. “Come down.”

I put my hands on my waist as I went outside of my room and climbed down the stairs. I look for my dad outside and saw him in the garage holding a hose, washing Barney. I jumped in glee, and ran to them with excitement.

“Here, wash him.” He gave me the spray as I knelt down in front of my dog and wash him. My dad stared down at me while he’s smiling.

“Who’s the good boy?” I said as Barney wags his tail. I giggled and patted his head and applied shampoo into him.

“He misses you so much.” He squeezes shampoo into his hand and pinched my cheeks. I glared at him, my nostrils flaring. He whistles and looked away.

“Dad!”

“What?” My dad laughs, throwing his head back like a little kid. The light of the light bulb dances off the blond bits in his hair. Without seeming to think about it, he reaches out and takes my hand.

He always touches me like this, like he’s reassuring himself that I am here. He swings his arms as we walk beneath the bushes; their green color distracts me from my focus.

He looks down and smiles, the lines around his eyes crinkle. “What are you thinking? It seems really important that you are concentrating on it.” He laughs.

“I just …” I looked down at the roses plants on my side and smile. “I just remember Mama watering these roses” I looked at him. His smile faded away from his face. “Dad, you used to give her roses right? You know how much she loves these.” I hate the fact that I know he’s not listening.

“You will lose someone you can’t live without, and your heart will be broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back-up. And you came through.  It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly – that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp.” I looked at him with disgust. He’s now smiling, looking straightly in the direction he’s facing. I look over my shoulder and saw Eileen standing on the window. Now I know. He’s looking at her. To that awful woman!

“How could you say that?” It’s like a whisper, but louder. I claimed my hand from his grip and folded it into fist. “From the start, you know that I hate her. I hate her presence. I hate her voice. I hate everything about her! About your FREAKING WIFE!!”