Chaos To My Calm - A Van McCann FanFic

Part 2 - "Happy birthday to you..."

I sat on the floor in front of my mirror, running a clammy hand through my hair and staring at my complexion; I looked a mess. The purple bags under my eyes seemed darker than usual and the skin on my lips was peeling. I was suddenly hyper-aware of my appearance as I kept thinking of the possibility that Van would show up tonight. I wanted to look nice, special...but not a try hard. My shabby blue jeans and white t-shirt from this morning wouldn't cut it.

Groaning, I fell onto my back on the floor in frustration.

"Uh-oh, that doesn't sound good," Amy said as she walked through my bedroom door.

She sat on the floor with me, helped me up and started brushing my hair. She was the sister I'd never had, my best friend since I could remember. I recounted my morning, telling her about my unexpected and frankly, still shocking, encounter with Van.

"Oh. My. God." She gasped.

"I know, what the fuck?" I questioned.

Again, I was still unsure of what Van wanted with me.

"Maybe he's just being nice?"

"No. Nice would have been helping you with the cases and then leaving. But driving you home then saying he'll come to your party...that's something else," Amy replied, her eyebrows furrowing.

We raked through my closet, trying to find the perfect outfit for me to wear.

"Christ no...why do you even own that?" Amy said, turning her nose up and I rolled my eyes.

Eventually, I came out in a white band shirt, the Strokes to be exact...I usually wore it as pyjamas, tucked loosely into a long gold pleated skirt with black ankle boots. I felt confident about this one.

"That's the one," Amy smiled proudly and we squealed with excitement.

I curled my hair lightly and let it fall over my shoulders, my makeup was pretty basic. Amy however, was in a skin-tight black dress and fishnets, she was always one for constantly looking like she was going clubbing, but she could pull it off easy. We were almost like polar opposites at times. She had beautiful dark skin, her long black hair flowed down her back like silk and was tall like a supermodel, not to mention her outgoing personality that rained supreme. I, on the other hand, was tiny and a sickly pale white, with stringy, sandy coloured hair and eyes that felt too big for my face. I had no trouble holding my own and being outgoing when the time called for it, but generally, Amy did the talking for both of us when we went out; I was always stuck in my own head.

Before I knew, it people started trickling through the door. Amy and I had decorated the house with numerous strings of coloured fairy lights, keeping the main lights switched off. Tables were laid out with snacks and the kitchen bench was stocked full of the alcohol that Van had helped me with. A few people showed up uninvited, but I didn't mind. Everyone was chilling out. Friends and acquaintances alike wished me a happy birthday, a few people gave me gifts even.

I felt content, I had a cup of red wine in my hand and the music I loved was playing. The atmosphere was calm and happy, people laughed, a few danced; all was going well. Except, no sign of Van. I refilled my glass and went to sit on the couch alone, my mood suddenly declining. I ran my fingers along the rim of the cup and sighed. I knew it was too good to be true. Not like it should even matter, but for some reason it just did. I'd gotten my hopes up too high.

"The birthday girl shouldn't be sitting all alone! What's the matter?" my other housemate Martin said as he sat beside me, the couch dipped down.

"Oh nothing, just someone didn't show that I was expecting," I kept my eyes on my drink, not looking at him.

Martin tried to cheer me up with his lame jokes and casual flirting, which usually would work but didn't. I felt stupid for letting such a small thing impact my night like this. I decided to brush it off and keep celebrating.

"Shots?" I asked Martin,

"That's the Violet I know!" He responded excitedly.

We did a few rounds of shots, Amy being completely trashed and dancing on the table. I laughed and shook my head, god she was brilliant.

"Hmmm don't give a shit girl, boys are fucking dumb anyway... especially those rock star nutters," Amy slurred.

So she had also noticed he wasn't here. Great.

Before I had time to get too down in the dumps, Amy brought out the birthday cake. People gathered from all around the house and squeezed into the kitchen. Everyone sang happy birthday with different degrees of enthusiasm depending on their level of drunkenness. It was beautiful really, the candles glowing in the dark, the sequins on girls dresses shimmering, being surrounded by people who cared about me... but I still couldn't shake the feeling of disappointment in the pit of my stomach.

After I blew out the candles, I took a piece of cake and another cup of wine and walked outside. My backyard had a short trail that led to the beach so I went and sat down at the edge of the sand. I threw off my shoes and downed the alcohol.

Thinking back to this morning, I recollected Van's smile, his voice, his eyes. It all made it worse. Christ, this crush was back and bigger than ever. I picked slightly at the cake, but I wasn't hungry. Not even the warm, fuzzy feeling of being drunk soothed this. I felt stupid.

What made me any different to the droves of girls pining for Van's attention? He was a nice guy, everyone knew it, I guess today was just yet another example of Van McCann being an angel...I shouldn't have read into it so much.

I gazed out into the dark, looking at the grey waves that gently crashed into the shore. I sighed.

"Happy birthday to you...Happy birthday to you...Happy birthday dear Violet..." a deep voice sang quietly, accompanied by footsteps.

I turned around and again, my heart stopped. God dammit Van.

"Does three hours still count as fashionably late?"