Lies. Lies. Lies. That's all that ever comes from anyone's mouth, they say they're telling their truth. That they would never hurt you, liars. That's all anyone will ever be. We lie to ourselves, we lie to others, we even lie to God. How strange is it that we all just lie? Even the most Christian person lies. Even I lie. I lie to myself every day, saying I'll never be like my mother, but I am. I'm just like her. I'm as pathetic as she is. It's sad really, how people lie to themselves. Maybe one day we can stop lying to ourselves, and others.
*ONE MONTH EARLIER*
Christian and I were planning on taking Amelia to Florida or California when we got out of there. It wasn't going to be easy, but it was going to be worth it. We've both been working hard and saving all of our money in order to leave as soon as possible. I just can't shake the horrible feeling that something is going to go wrong. So far nothing else has happened with my mom and Lucifer, but it's only a matter of time before he blows up again.
It's always the same routine, over and over, he gets drunk, either cheats or beats her, and then apologies like that can make up for everything he's ever done. Let's not forget the bullshit line he always feeds my pathetic mother, "It'll never happen again baby, I'm so sorry, I love you so much," it's all complete bull shit. However, she believes him, knowing he's going to do it again. Pathetic.
"Are you okay?" Christian asked me, "You're holding that pen pretty tightly."
I looked down at my hand, I'd forgotten about the pen I was holding to do my homework. I was trying to write an essay for English on who I look up to most. It's hard to do that though, when the only person I actually look up to is Demi Lovato. She's so inspiring to me, and I can easily relate to her through a lot of things.
"Yeah, I'm fine." I replied releasing my grip on the pen and giving him a slight smile.
"Shey, you're a horrible liar, I just want you to know that. Thinking about your mom again?"
"Yeah," I sighed, "I just can't get over how pathetic she's been with Lucifer."
"I know dear, I'm sorry."
"It's fine love, I just can't wait till we can take Amelia and get out of there." I smiled up at him, he looked away replying with a nod of his head. I frowned. That wasn't like him, but I guess it's the stress of everything that's been going on lately. He's been working really hard to help me get out of there.
Walking out of the room Christian grabbed his phone and started texting some one, how strange. Usually when I'm around he never texts anyone, something about not wanting to miss a single second with me. He finally came back in the room twenty minutes later and sat back down beside me.
"What was that about?" I asked him.
"Uh, nothing. Just talking to dad about something." He replied, not looking me in the eyes. He's lying about that, I wonder why?
"Okay, well is it cool if I stay the night?"
"You better not, you know how your mom gets when you stay over on school nights."
When has he cared about that? "Okay? I'm gonna go ahead and leave then." I leaned in to give him a kiss, and he turned his head.
"Alright what the hell is wrong with you today? You're acting really weird."
"Its nothing babe, I'll see you tomorrow?"
"Whatever." I walked out to my car pissed off. Driving home he called me at least ten times and I ignored every one of them. Why answer them? If he's gonna act like that, then so am I. I showered and went to bed, hoping he'd act different tomorrow.
He was laying on the floor in his bedroom, covered in blood. Dead. What have I done? I cried over and over, screaming at the top of my lungs. He's dead and I killed him. It felt good when I was doing it, but now, I'm scared. I'm going to get the chair. 'He deserved it' a voice was whispering in my mind. 'You know he did.' The voice was right, I didn't do anything wrong...
BEEP BEEP BEEP
I woke up to the sound of my alarm going off, I slapped the snooze button to get a few more minutes of sleep before getting up to shower and start my day.
BEEP BEEP BEEP
Time to get up, I grabbed my phone off my bed and walked to the bathroom checking my texts. All of them from Christian.
"Baby, I'm sorry, I just have a lot going on."
"Babe, please answer me."
"Sheyrena, please I'm sorry."
"Alright I guess you're asleep, I love you, Goodnight."
I'm still pissed off at him for the way he acted, but I guess I can forgive him. I texted him good morning and told him I forgave him, then I hoped in the shower to quickly get ready. School today was the same as every other day. After the final bell ring I drove over to Christians to surprise him with some food, he was expecting me later, but I thought I'd bring him his favorite, Taco Bell."
I opened the door with my spare Key and called out to him, "Babe, I brought you taco bell!" I heard the scrambling of feet coming from his bedroom, wow, he must be really excited. I walked to his room and froze. Christian was rushing to put his clothes on, and laying in his bed some was slut.
"What the fuck Christian!"
I slapped him across the face and stormed out of his place, he was hot on my ass telling me he was sorry. I ignored him, got in my car and drove away crying. I can't believe he was cheating on me, that must of been who he was texting yesterday and why he didn't want me to spend the night. Why would he do this to me?
When I got home, I destroyed anything and everything he ever gave me. I texted him and told him it was over, to never speak to me again. I got plans for him though, and that dumb slut. I'm going to ruin them, the way they ruined me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Christian and I had started arguing and stuff after the break up. He said I was petty, well that shuit just wasn't going to fly. I texted him back, "Petty shit? EXCUSE THE FUCK OUTA ME FOR BEING HURT. God I fucking hate your god damn guts. You're being really fucking stupid. You're the one that cheated on me, you think you have the fucking right to be pissed off at me? Go fuck your self."
Pissed wasn't even the word to descibe how I felt. He betrayed me, he hurt me, and he knew everything I had already been through. If only I could get away with murder! It's been a month since then and I'm still hurting, you can't just throw away your feelings. We were together for so long, and I thought we would always be together. I guess it just goes to show you can't trust anyone.
On top of all this shit, I am still putting up with Lucifers fucking shit, he has gotten worse and I'm afraid I'm going to have to move everything I have planned up. I don't have that much money saved, but if it's for my sister I think I can just stop spending money all together, that's going to be rough.
Christian has tried to give me the money he saved but I don't want anything from him. He can shove it all up his ass for all I care. He's just trying to butter me up and shit. Well he cheated on me. To make matters worse, it wasn't the first time as I had thought. If it would have been then I could have forgave him. Piece of shit. I knew he had been acting weird the fast few months, I was just naive enough to think it was stress. Obviously it was stress, over being caught. They'll all get what's coming to them. I just have to be patient.
