There Aren't Answers To Everything

Chapter 3 - Why do we love what we love?

There are a lot of things you don't think about when you ask questions. There are many things you don't realise, but how are these things discovered? Well, this chapter I'm going into depth about an answer to this question; why do we love what we love?

Well, lets cover the topic of relationships. As humans we have a natural instinct to be part of a group, have a partner and create a family. I'm not saying everyone wants this, some people are extremely independent, but personally I can't stand being alone. 

As a result, we go in search of a soul mate. Soul mates are there for everyone. It is thought that a soul has been split and carried by separate people, and each half continues to split in two. But eventually, there are far too many pieces of the soul to inhabit the universe strongly on their own, so two pieces of the soul must join. 

Of course, this theory also means that there are more than one piece to go with each other. Some may find more than one soul mate in their lifetime on rare occasions, resulting to a difficult decision to be made.

But before the idea of soul mates, lets go back to the very base of all human nature; survival.

Survival can be split into many parts; food, water, shelter and reproduction. As much as we need food and water to survive, we just as much thrive on the recreation of our kind. This is where soulmates come into the picture; without a need to connect with a significant other there is less chance of population growth.

Of course, a long, long time ago, things didn't have to work this way. There wasn't always stability with relationships, often the humans' main objective was to recreate as best they can. So for this to happen, many different processes occurred.

To start with, there is a very explainable reason why men are known to cheat and keep interest in other females while in a relationship. See, back to the cave man days or even the days of the gorillas, the job of the male was to hunt, protect the group, and help create as many of their kind as possible. 

So this means, they would go from female to female, impregnating any who had not carried any children. Naturally, this means their main focus was not to settle with one woman, it was in fact to move around and grow their population.

This natural way of surviving still lingers in today's world; and this can be an explanation as to why men are the way they are. Females are expectant of men to settle with one companion, but back when survival was more basic, it wasn't natural for them to live this way.

Secondly, there are also many reasons why men choose to move to particular women. It is not stereotypical to say that men look for girls who are skinny, pretty and the perfect shape. Although some may be offended that I've put it this way, there is an explanation. 

Back when survival was more simple, men again had a main objective of recreating. They almost always looked for a skinny, good looking and well shaped female. They would look for someone skinny because this would imply they are not already carrying a child, so men could create a child with them.

Men would look for someone pretty and good looking, not only because that is more attractive and encourages recreation, but also it increases the chance of their children being the same and continuing the process.

Of course, having shape also comes into this. If a woman has bigger hips, they are better for carrying and giving birth to a child. Although someone reading this would never have realised, but actually men look for these qualities without always realising it.

But that's just the men - what about females?

Well, females look for good qualities in men as well. They look for someone strong, someone attractive and someone who is intelligent.

The reasons they look for these things are quite similar to why men look for certain qualities. Females look for strong men because it shows that they have power, and would be able to protect to woman and child. Women look for attractive men for the same reason vice versa; if the man is attractive, it encourages women to recreate with them, and their children are more likely to recreate if they too are attractive.

As for intelligence, a woman wants a man to have the knowledge they need to survive. Things like building a home, if they know how to do it then they will have a safe family home. If they can hunt successfully, they will be in less danger and bring home plenty of food.

Although a lot of these things are less important nowadays, they still remain a part of our natural instincts. From all the things I have mentioned, in my opinion this is why we "love what we love".

Of course, there are other aspects to love. In fact, that barely covers an ounce of it. 

Why do we love what we love? Well, we all know this, everyone is different. No two people are the same, even twins, no two sets of people share anything that is the same, as similar as they may seem. That's one of the amazing things about people, you can feel like you're almost exactly the same as someone but you never really are.

We love what we love because of the way our brains work. We don't love someone because we choose to, we love someone because our brains are wired to find someone like that. Sometimes we love people who are terribly wrong for us because our brains think that is what we deserve, that's what we need.

The humans system of motivation is linked to the system of reward. This shows a long term view that love is not always based in emotion; instead, love grows from our goal seeking behavior, and the emotions we attach to our goal become second place to our motivation.

This may not make a lot of sense, but as I have really looked into my own knowledge on these kinds of topics, it is in fact a very simple thing. 

Sometimes we love people, things, times, because we think we should. There are occasions when we start to supposedly like something because we long for something better, and we really just want to cling on to something as quickly as we can out of desperation.

The biggest issue with love is you love something you want, and when you want something you start to possess it. Possessing something often leads to not always intentionally changing it, and when you change something, or someone, you lose it. 

So my final answer to the question, "Why do we love what we love?" is this.

We love things because love is meant to live among us. We connect to things because they are there to connect to, are no one is destined to be lonely. No matter how hard we try, we cannot change what we love. We love what we love, and we love what we do, because what else is there to love if not those things?

So stay strong, motivated, and let love be whatever comes your way.