Went for a growth scan today for the baby, the midwives say he's doing really well. He weighs 4pounds currently, I'm so glad he's healthy, I was worried that with all the stress between me & his dad that it could've impacted his health.
I still miss Jasper's dad. I spoke to one of his friends today, Sort. I got a request on Facebook & thought he might've known who it was, they were from Birmingham like him so it seemed reasonable to assume.
We got talking, not about anything special, just asking how each other was... He said "we always got along so it'd be sad that we stopped being friends" ... It became awkward between me & sort, we were never close friends but I met him through my baby's dad, Afi, he got paranoid & accused me of sleeping with Sort, since then I've felt uneasy speaking to or about him because I don't want Afi having any actual reason to think anything went on between me & Sort, the fact that he has bad paranoia means he doesn't really need a valid reason to assume those kinds of things.
Even though me & Afi are separated, (and he's been fucking horrid towards me since the pregnancy), I feel guilty speaking to Sort. It's not even like we flirt, just civil conversations. But I was made to feel like I did something wrong by just being nice to him in the first place... I guess I'm just worried about giving Afi any more reasons to cause drama. He doesn't control who I can & can't talk to.
Besides, he's out every night/weekend on god knows what drugs, with god knows which girl. So, so what if I've got the odd few friends that I speak to... Even if I do wonder whether they're all going back to him with whatever I'm telling them. Its nice to have someone to talk to, its hard being alone right now.... Honestly though, I'd rather be talking to Afi than anyone else in the world. I wish he felt the same.
