Hold On (Ianthony)

Part 23

A/N: so next week is exam week and band festival week and after that shit's about to get buuuuuusy in my life so bear with me but good news is this has like four parts after this and I only have one part to write left so this should be uploaded pretty regularly until it's finished ya and I'll catch y'all up on what the dealio is about the busy schedule when the time comes alright swag

"Ian, I..." I stood up, my eyes widening and my breath falling short.

"Are you serious?!" He walked towards me, shaking his head. "Are you fucking serious?!"

"I-I'm sorry... I-"

"You're really just gonna go through my stuff like that?!" He snatched the journal and held it against his chest protectively. "What the hell is wrong with you?!"

"I don't-"

"Jesus, after all these years, I actually thought I could trust you."

He sat down on his bed and rubbed his face, sighing. 

"Ian, I'm so sorry-"

"Yeah, whatever. Get out."

I looked down at him, feeling my hands tremble a little. I was such a monster. Ian was going through so much right now, and I just completely invaded his privacy. I was the worst friend- no, the worst person ever.

"Ian, please let me explain."

He looked up at me, shaking his head a little.

"Fine. Talk."

I fumbled for the right words, biting my lip. My eyes were watering and I could feel a lump in my throat. Ian deserved a better best friend. I didn't deserve any friends at all.

"Ian, I'm so sorry. I-I don't even... I just... I'm sorry."

I sobbed and covered my face, turning away a little. And now I just looked weak.

"I don't know what's wrong with me," I continued, staring at his cream-colored wall. "But obviously a lot. I was just so curious, and..." I shook my head. "I'm sorry. I really am. I get it if you don't forgive me. I'm the worst friend ever."

I started walking towards the door, sniffling and closing my eyes.

"Anthony-"

"I mean it, Ian. I feel terrible. I'm never gonna forgive myself for this."

I put my hand on the knob, but was stopped by a hand on top of mine.

"I'm sorry, Anthony."

I looked up to see Ian shaking his head at the floor.

"Why are you apologizing?"

He looked up at me, slowly, and I realized his eyes were glassy.

"Because I overreacted. I mean, I was planning to show you that anyways. Tonight, actually." He laughed a little, looking back down. "And don't you dare say that. Did you not read what I wrote about you in there? Sure, things were rough at first, but after that, you were the only happiness I had, Anthony. And you did so much for me. Hell, you... you saved my life."

He looked back up at me, discretely wiping his eyes, and I smiled at him.

"But still, I'm sorry. I invaded your privacy, and I feel so bad."

He smirked a little. "Oh, shut up. I would have done the same thing to you."

I laughed a little, and right then, I realized I still loved him. I mean, obviously, I always had, but right then, it just seemed to hit me with full force: I loved him so much and he didn't love me anymore. We were back at square one.

I looked over, and realized then that his hand was still on top of mine. I tensed a little, and he noticed, quickly pulling his hand away and blushing lightly.

"Uh... how far did you get?"

I laughed a little out of embarrassment. "The last page, actually."

He rasied his eyebrows a little. "That's ironic."

"Why?"

He smiled, rolling his eyes a little and fidgeting with the hem of his shirt.

"Well, that was exactly where I left off, and... And I was gonna ask you to read it with me."