Gone? My dad was one of my only ties that kept me in reality. He helped me and guided me through everything and now he is just gone? He was there for my first soccer practice. My first day in middle school. My first time coming home after being bullied and harassed at school. He's gone now and I am lost. He was beating me in Call of Duty: Black Ops a day ago. Or maybe a week ago? I don't even remember, I have lost all concept of time since the accident. I still have no clue how long I was unconscious. Then a dark question crossed my mind that canceled everything else out. What now?
My mom died two years ago and now my dad is dead. Would I have to live in my aunt's house? Would I have to get a job? What am I thinking, I can't get a job! I'm only 13 and I can't even apply for one yet. Maybe I would be put up for adoption. Then I realized that I was crying and tried to look anywhere but Thomas' face. This sounds really cheesy, but I don't want to anyone to see me crying. Not even Thomas.
Fast forward: One week later.
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I'm still in the hospital, it has been about a week since I was told that my dad was dead. Since then the only times I can get up are when I have need to use the restroom, my life is pretty boring. I can't even do anything to pass the time except play on my phone, sleep, and occasionally talk to Thomas when he comes to the hospital after school. Thomas is so cool. He even bought me a new charger and extension cord so I could use my phone and charge it at the same time. The cord is 15 feet long so it almost stretches all of the way across the hospital room. The doctor tripped on it the first time I used it, but that's okay. He knows it's there now. When I am on my phone I spend most of my time watching Markiplier's videos on YouTube. Since he only uploads twice a day, I like watch some of his older videos again. His video play-throughs of Subnautica and Resident Evil are my favorites. They always make me smile no matter what. I would say I have watched each of those series about 6 times since I have been in here. Even though I do love Markiplier I want change it up a bit. I've been watching his videos all week long. I close the YouTube app and find something else to do.
The doctors said I only had to worry about watching things with flashing lights or my migraines might start again. I don't open up Five Nights at Freddy's. I don't have the mental power to play it right now anyway. It makes me a nervous wreck whenever I play and I haven't even passed night three. Thomas says that I am a such chicken and I always deny it, but on the inside I know it is true. I can't even watch horror movies without plugging my ears and biting my nails. I try to be cool by looking interested when with my friends, but the truth is, it takes all of my willpower not to scream when I watch them. I just try to sound chill and talk like it is no big deal. I guess it works because my friends invite me to watch horror movies every weekend. I still don't know how we haven't ran out of horror movies to watch on Netflix.
I think about opening Instagram but decide against it. I don't even know why I have an Instagram. It annoys the living crap about me every time I go on. I think that Instagram is just a bunch of fake people, with fake smiles, in fake situations. Nobody acts like themselves when they are on camera because they are trying to impress someone. Pictures on social media don't say anything about who the person really is. Pinterest is my favorite though because you can let just loose and be yourself. It brings out the creative side of me that I like. It's really fascinating how much someone can create with just an idea and a few objects. Pinterest greatly shows and supports creativity. I start looking through my older pins. My personally favorite boards I have created are my "dat boi" and "Panic! at the Disco" boards. I know I am such a nerd for liking dat boi, but I find it fucking hilarious. As for Panic! at the Disco, they are the band that literally saved my life. Before I ever started to cut I thought about them and decided against it. Brendon Urie (the lead singer of Panic! at the Disco) even creeped his way into one of my dreams the other night. He just walked over to me in a crowd full of people, hugged me, and said that everything was going to be okay. I want to go see them in concert so bad, Thomas and I joke about it sometimes. It just sounds so unrealistic that we could see Panic! at the disco in the same room as us. After being on Pinterest for about 3 hours I close the app. I don't really want to start watching YouTube again. It's gotten kind of boring over the last week so I open up the news app. Maybe the Rolling Stone came out with something cool about Panic! at the Disco. (very unlikely) I start to search for it, but something caught my eye before I did. It was an article about something that happened at the local middle school. "What the hell have the popular kids gotten themselves into now?" I wonder. They are always getting busted for having drugs and getting into fights at school. Last time there was a school fight some kid almost got stabbed in the neck with a pencil. It's a good thing that the janitor found them before somebody got killed again. Everyone there watching had detention too even though there were only 2 people fighting. They all got in trouble for urging the fight on. I click the blue link and it takes me to their main webpage. The title reads "Female Student Murdered Inside Local Middle School." What the hell? There's a picture at the top of Canyon View Middle School. My school. I scroll down the page curious what I'll see next. I don't even like this type of stuff, but I mean, it's my school. I should be at least a little bit interested, right?
"On Friday March 7, a female 8th grade student is murdered in the school restroom. The police say that she was stabbed repeatedly with what they concluded was a pencil."
Great. Another fight with a pencil except, this one escalated quickly. If they weren't stopped by anyone than that fight must have gone down quick.
"We still have no information on potential suspects."
I continue to scroll down and see that they had posted pictures that go along with the story. I click on the first one and see that it's just a picture of the front of the school. The one that was also showed at the top of the article. Funny story, If look close enough in that picture you can see a Hooters sticker that Thomas and I stuck on the wall a year ago. I don't know why someone hasn't pulled it off yet, but it's funny I guess. The second picture shows the bathroom in perfect condition. I can't decide whether they took the picture before the murder or after they already cleaned up the blood.
"Probably before" I think. They might have not cleaned up the blood yet so that the police could further examine the scene. I swipe to the next picture become suddenly paralyzed. It was the bathroom with the girl in it. The blood was plastered all over the walls and the trashcan that is normally neatly pressed against the wall in the corner is now all of the way across the room with its contents thrown everywhere. Mostly paper towels because it was in the bathroom, but a few of them were coated in a weird, black substance. Finally, I take a look at the girl who was limp on the bathroom tile. She had blonde hair and a black t-shirt on. That's almost exactly what I wear on regular basis. Wait, what? I pull my face closer to the phone and zoom in on the victim. I couldn't believe my eyes. It was me. I was caked in blood on the bathroom tile.
