The Lost Stories: A Series of CoSmic Adventures

Lost Time

"There's something that confuses me,” my second-in-command Winston said, when on the holo Captain Courageous turned to wink at the cameras and the scene faded to black.

I figured Winston had never had the talk (shame on his father), so I began to prepare myself mentally to share my vast experience-based knowledge with him.

“You want to know why he winked at us, or what they're planning to do, the good captain and his scantily-clad, green-skinned companion?”

“What?” Winston said. Prior indiscretions had made me request a replacement for him, but Winston had grown on me since then. I made a mental note to remember to cancel the transfer request. “No.”

“Then what?” I said.

“The Grumbles-Against-Earth ratings. Some people call them gee-ah-veeand others call them gee-oh-vee. Which one is it? Ahor oh? And what's the veestand for? Shouldn't it be gee-ah-eeeor tee or something?”

I stared at him. I made a mental note to remember to not remember to cancel the request to have Winston transferred out. Anyone who had the time to think about such things was not someone I wanted as first officer.

“That's a good point, Winston,” I said, standing up, which was his cue to leave.

After he'd gone, I sunk back into my chair and wondered when I'd get some rest. Two episodes ago—Captain Courageousplayed on a weekly schedule—my crew and I had taken some lost time. It was unauthorized leave, of course—how else could Iget vacation time?—so when the call from the Board came, it was me and me alone who went back to work, taking care of some rowdy colonists in an efficient but humane way. It was such a close call that I'd sworn off ever taking any more lost time.

My wallowing in self-pity was interrupted by a beep from the desk, followed by a drawn-out gurgling sound, like a cat dying slowly but painfully. I pushed off the obstructions—papers and books and a Captain Courageous figurine—freeing the screen, which lifted off the desk.

“Admiral Ed!” I said. His face had already materialized; he'd probably been staring at oak for the last minute.

“Long time no see, Wick,” Ed said.

The good admiral calls me Wick because that was my nickname in the Academy. I earned the name because I was hot as a lit wick (and not because I was stringy as a wick, as some—the admiral, for example—would tell it). He calls me Wick because it's a reminder of the good old days, and of the closeness we share now because of the closeness we shared then. And also because he's an idiot who can't let an old joke die.

“So what's the good news, Admiral?” I said, stressing his new title. His promotion had come as a blow to me; Ihad been voted Most Likely to Succeed (and legitimately so, without tampering with the tabulation program in any way whatsoever, as some—the admiral, for example—would tell it).

“I'm leaving for Prima next week,” the admiral said. “And I'd like you to come with me. We can tell old stories about the Academy days. You can make up stuff about the girls you dated back then, and I'll pretend to believe you.”

I looked at him suspiciously. How had he known I'd been thinking about vacationing? Maybe the doctor ratted me out, I thought; told the Board I have high blood pressure; he's stressed out, needs a break. That rotten liar! That scoundrel! I'd skipped all my physicals; how could he know if I was stressed out or not?

“You got clearance for me?” I said. I'd used up all my leave time and more several years ago, chasing a treasure that wasn't there to be found. If I worked the next ten years straight, I still wouldn't work off half my debt.

“No,” the admiral said, and I felt my heart sink. “But I can get it. I'm an admiral now, remember?” He winked at me.

But the next day, he didn't look so smug.

“No clearance, huh?” Somehow, it didn't feel so bad. It was good for Ed to be chopped down to size, even if it meant I wouldn't be going to Prima.

“Sorry, Wick. But it won't go through the system, you know? Not until your leave is out of the red.”

“I guess it's true what they say, eh?”

“What's that?” the admiral said, though I felt he already knew.

Reaching to cut the connection, I said glumly, “No rest for the Wick, Ed.”