Double Standards (Part 1)

Picking Up The Pieces

Laney

They say once you've loved someone, the love never dies, it continues  on through infinity. That's very true in my case. They also say true loves always finds a way back to you. I'm still waiting.

"Remember I love you".Those were the last words he spoke to me. I repeat that to myself on a daily basis. I relive our final moments together as well. I sleep with a old shirt of his just to feel close to him. It scares me to know that eventually his scent will fade from the shirt. Then what?

It's almost been a year since my heart was pulled from my chest and handed back to me still beating. Almost like it was taunting me. Saying, I know your hurting and want to die, but hey, here's your heart and it's still pumping so you can feel and relive this pain forever. London handed me my heart back after he broke it. I should hate him, I try so bad to hate him, but I can't. In return I hate myself for not hating him. Bitter much?

When I get caught up in my feelings, whether I'm at home or in a public place, I go into the middle of my yard or whatever area I'm at. Turning in a slow circle, I look for any and all evidence that he's still keeping watch over me. By now, I have a trained eye for this. Call it mafia life 101 or what you will. Occasionally I'll catch sight of a man in a 3 piece duiring my spin. I can spot these type of men from a mile away. Locking my eyes on the man, I'll smile, throw my hand up, sometimes call out "Send your boss my regards". Once I even flicked the asshat off, depends on my mood, and I have alot of those these day's. Once the man is spotted,he'll disappear back into the hole he came from before I can Invite him over for a spot of tea. Sarcastic much?

Yes, I have alot of moods these days. It's been almost a year. A long, beating my head up against the wall year. Don't get it confused though. I'm not some deranged, imobile, love sick,  pining my life away fool. I go about the normal, everyday motions. Wake up, pump myself full of mojo, and grind.

My company is thriving more than ever. I've expanded my locations over seas alot. It has given me a chance to see the world, or let the world see me,so to say. I'm safe wherever I go, he's always watching. My mafia sixth sense tells me so.

Yes, I do live a normal life now, on the outside anyways. It's the inside that keeps gnawing away at me. I go to parties, dance, shop, and live my life to the fullest. My dad finally met someone who whisked him off to Wyoming, where their happily married now. I never thought I'd see the day my dad would leave Alabama, but love makes you do crazy things. Trust and believe I know, I've killed for love, fought for love, had my head hunted for love.

Currently I live back in Alabama when I'm not on business travels. I live in the home I grew up in. Naturally, I did a complete overhaul on the house. It's majestic now, or at least that's what the magazine's say. Yes, my home has been on the covers of many home and gardening magazine's.

Also, I've had a few dates, nothing to brag about, but I'm getting back out there, right? Isn't that what I'm supposed to do while recovering from a heartbreak? Date around having meaningless sex with different partners? Yea, well that's not me. I've never been the type to sleep around.

Okay, there was this one time, I took my date home. I have needs to okay. Needless to say the sex was less than spectacular. No fireworks or heavenly bliss. Duiring the entire deed, my mind kept replaying like a broken record "I belong to London Harper, this is London Harper's ass, London Harper fucks me only, London Harper makes me cum, London Harper owns me". Yes, that pretty much blew any hopes of having a orgasm out the window. Well, that is until I imagined the guy pumping away on top of me was London. Hey, I had to get mine right?

Ela still worked for me, but not as my assistant anymore. With her living in New York with Conner, it would be impossible for her to be by my side. Instead, now she handles the complaints department from home. We still talk on a regular basis but we have a unspoken rule...never discuss London. I don't ask and she doesn't offer. I even chat with Conner occasionally. I believe I even got him in trouble one afternoon with the boss. Conner was in the middle of a meeting and I sent him this ridiculously stupid, yet hilarious snap chat. The idiot that he is, opened it smack dab in the middle of the meeting for all to hear and see. Conner claims the room lit up with laughter as London sent him a scolding glare, yet try to suppress his smirk. I could almost picture it, their in deep discussions over how to execute someone, then here I am, voice sounding like a leprechaun, singing "Hello" by Adele. Yes, I miss them all at times.

As for my three men, I insisted they return back to London. They hung around for a few months, but I could tell they was getting restless. Being use to all the dramatic killings and such and not getting that with me. Eating a ice cream before bed is as dangerous as I get these days. Nope, I'm definitely no action Jackson. Their doing good with London though. I've heard that they are even London's top men now. Plus no one is hunting me anymore and as far as anyone knows I don't have any association's with any mafia. That was one promise London kept, I would live a free, peaceful life. Almost too peaceful at times. I've considered purchasing some dynamite just to blow something up, just kidding, just kidding.

It's hilarious how life works. You go from being normal and reseverd to normal not being good enough. Missing the unexpected twists and turns, large chaotic family, and the insane arguments that lead to assbags whipping out their gun, blowing the breakfast table to smithereens.

Since I've been living back in Alabama, I have reunited with my old friend Missy. It's not the same anymore due to her being married with a two year old daughter, but we hang occasionally. I even babysit her daughter often while they have some adult time. Imagine that, me babysitting.  I will admit though, Missy's daughter has grown on me and I'm starting to feel my mommy genes pull on my ovaries. I'll be twenty -six soon so I had better get a move on. Which reminds me, London will turning twenty-eight in a few days.

Anyways I'm now ready to start my search for a husband and start raising babies. No time like the present. And that's when it happened. A few weeks after having these wedding thoughts, I ran into Austin. Yes, I know a blast from the past. The guy I had recently broke up with when I met London. Yes, the same one who cheated on me with my then best friend. The same one I called on duiring a moment of weakness that same week London and I made love for the first time on the beach.

Okay, let me stop putting Austin and London in the same sentence. London is my past, Austin may very well be my future. AKA my baby daddy.

We have our first date coming up this weekend and who knows. Yes, I recall everything he did to me in the past, but we are adults now and have done some growing up. Things change, people change. I did.