The Boy In The Window

Chapter 4: Time To Add Another

The rest of the day went pretty well, though I had a few classes with blue-eyes.  I studied his actions, trying to find out how he gets to be ignored like he was invisible. He did nothing out of the ordinary. He just took notes and paid attention like most of the other students. People just didn’t see him. I couldn’t help but envy him. I was bothered countless times, people asking for my name and offering me a seat at their lunch table. I ignored them all, trying to become like blue-eyes, unnoticed and uninteresting. At lunch, I don’t know how I did it but I did, I managed to slip away into the forest behind the school. I spent the entire time listening to my iPod and trying to make my headache go away. After school, I walked back home and went on the computer to finish reading Love like a Delinquent. All of a sudden, I heard an uneven knock on my door.

My mom stumbled through and sat on my bed, sighing.

“You know, I really hate you. I really do, honest.” She turned to look at me with wide, dilated eyes. “Your worth absolutely nothing and I wish you had never been born. I should have gotten that damn abortion, but NO!”

She stood and came over to me, gripping the front of my shirt tightly.

“Your fucking father told me not to. That we would raise this baby and be a happy family! But what did he do? He fucking cheated! With my best friend of all people!” she let out a shrill laugh. “And you know what? He left me too! Said he didn’t want that kind of responsibility yet!”

She slapped me out of nowhere, and I cringed.

“And he left me, nine months pregnant with you. Then I had you and everything went downhill. I couldn’t get a job, and you were always crying, always needing something!” Slap. “And my mother disowned me! She and my father refused to help me, even when I told them I was clean!”

She pulled me closer. I tried to get away but she gripped me tighter and shook me until my head hurt. The smell of her alcohol breath made it that much worse.

“I begged!” Slap. “I pleaded!” Slap. “I tried everything I could!” Slap, slap, slap, slap. “But nobody wanted a seventeen year old girl with a baby on her hands. Even my friends wouldn’t let me step past the threshold! And IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT!” with that she began to beat me, harder than last night. Harder than ever. She kicked me as hard as she possibly could, punched me, scratched me, slapped me. Anything she could do to destroy me. I screamed as loud as I could, hoping someone would come to my rescue, but that never happens. And it didn’t happen now, either.

“I FUCKING HATE YOU!” She screamed before her hands went around my neck and she began to choke me. I felt the air leave my lungs and I began to suffocate. I tried to kick, I tried to punch and claw my way out of her hold, but she was too strong. My vision was blurry and my ears were ringing. Finally, I passed out.

*******

When I awoke it was daylight. I was on the floor in my room, and I was covered in bruises and blood, again. I groaned and got up and took a shower, then got dressed in all black. I put on all the concealer I had left in the bottle and my usual dark makeup, changing the eye shadow to black today. I pulled a small black ring box out of my underwear drawer and slipped it into my backpack before heading to school. When I got there, I realized that the late bell had just rung for third period. I hurried to class and walked in, slipping into a random seat, trying to pull off blue-eyes’ method.

“Miss Allen, why are you late?” asked Mrs. Knowles. Shit. The whole class turned in my direction and I pulled my hood more over my head, trying unsuccessfully to disappear into the seat.

“I-I, uh, I—”

“Come up here, I need you to sign this form so you can take it to the principal after school. It’s a late slip.” I stood and trudged my way over to the front desk, keeping my head down and my hood up. “Miss Allen, no hoods or hats in class.”

I ignored her and went back to my seat, feeling the eyes of the class on me.

“Miss Allen, no hats or hoods in class. Please take off your hood.” I ignored her again. “Miss Allen, hood off now!”

I cringed as she slammed her hand on my desk. I reluctantly pulled my hood off, and cringed again as the teacher shot up and away from my desk.

“Thank you, Miss Allen. Now, we can continue the lesson.” I zoned out and stared at the board, not taking in any information like I should’ve been. I felt someone staring at me, and I glanced over to see blue-eyes. I didn’t even have the energy to roll my eyes at him; just stare back before I looked towards the board again. My next class flew by, and I found myself walking in the little mini-forest next to the school again. I went in a little deeper, way past where I had gone yesterday, deep into the forest where I couldn’t hear the students yelling and shouting at each other. I sat down under a large tree and leaned against it for support. My hands flew into my backpack’s front pocket and I pulled out the ring box.

Opening it, I pulled out the shiny piece of metal that was nestled inside. I pulled up the sleeve of my hoodie and gazed at the scars that already covered my wrist.

Time to add another.

I slid the razor across my arm, cutting deep and hard. Memories of last night and every night before then flooded my mind, making me cut again. I opened my eyes and looked around. This place was quiet, peaceful. The complete opposite of my house. I decided that if I was going to die, I would die here. And what was holding me down here? Nobody cared, nobody would miss me. The closest thing I had to a friend was Muffin, and I hadn’t seen her since the other morning. I cut harder and deeper this time, going for the biggest veins I could.

I listened to the wind whisper through the trees and closed my eyes, enjoying the feeling that it would all be over soon. Sixteen years of torture, over. I smiled; the feeling in my arm was gone. My body was going numb. I began to feel sleepy, and immediately slipped away into the blackness