Skinny. [complete]

I miss him

Violet's pov

I wasn't going to let fear control my life but this situation has me depressed as fuck. I've been sleeping and showering. I occasionally eat, but mostly sleep. Everyone's trying to talk to me and see what's wrong but I wish they'd just leave me alone on the last three weeks of freedom that I have. I appreciate their concern but they need to just kindly fuck off.

I leave my room to make tea and I see Chase. I avoid eye contact and walk past him to grab the kettle. I can feel his stare but I don't turn around because if I do I know I'll have to engage in small talk. I patiently wait for my tea and grab a mug. When I return with my mug and start to take the kettle off the stove I hear Chase say my name. I ignore it trying to distance myself so saying goodbye won't be so hard.

"Violet, talk to me damnit. I've been respecting your decision of not talking but I can't anymore. What's happening to you? Why won't you talk to me?" I grab a tea bag and place it in my steaming mug while walking to my room and locking the door behind me. He'll hate me for my decisions but it's best for us all. I drink half of my tea and then sleep. Again.

2 days before going back to Michael.
I don't want to bother you with the last few weeks of my depressing life filled with boring activities which mainly consists of self hate and harm. Boring and dull so I'm not going to into detail because that's unnecessary. Anyways, I haven't seen Stephen in a week. He normally comes here everyday but it's kind of relieving that I don't have to try to avoid him. I binged yesterday so I have to fast today. All the fun shit. Life sucks and so does Michael. Kinda.

I'm still confused, like what if he's nice, then am I allowed to like him again? He was the first person to care about me and it's hard to see him become such an awful person. Maybe he just needs someone who will stay by him and show that they really care. I miss him a lot. I miss picking random shows to watch while we tried to sleep. I miss his soft, gentle hand that he used to place delicately on my cheek before placing his lips on mine. I miss his presence. He made me happy before, he can make me happy now.

But what if he's just going to be mean to me? Then death would be the better option, he wouldn't let me kill myself because that's too easy. I don't know what to do and I see him in two fucking days. I honestly don't think he'll hurt me but what happens if he does? I don't know what to do. My mind is racing and so is my heart. If he does hurt me is it because I hurt him? I hope I didn't hurt him, he's such a sweet, fragile person.

He hasn't left me a note or text since the dress incident. Does he not what me to go to him anymore? Maybe I did something to make him stop liking me. He probably thinks I'm fat. I'll fast for two days instead and then only eat an apple and an orange on the third day. If it means getting Michael to like me again then it's worth it.