Bounty (Hidan x Reader)

prologue

"My fucking feet hurt!"

Twitch.

"Oi, you greedy old miser, I'm starving! Can't we get some food already?!"

Twitch. Twitch.

"Man, this is so unfair! Everyone else gets to go on assassination and war missions, and I'm stuck with your  shitty money-grubbing scheme!"

Twitch, twitch, glare.

"Oi, Kakuzu! Fucking listen when I'm talking to you, you damned old man-"

SCHWAK!

"MOTHERFUCKER!"

Kakuzu watched, unamused, as the silver-haired head of his loud-mouthed partner flew through the air before smacking into the ground. Its momentum carried it in an ungraceful tumble along the dirt path. Calmly, Kakuzu lifted his foot, using it to stop the head's bouncing and rolling, much in the same way a child might stop a ball headed in their direction.

The distinct lack of dignity in this particular scene wasn't exactly helped by the fact that the decapitated head was still spewing foul curses and death threats, a pissy expression on its face.

"For fuck's sake, Kakuzu, do you know how much it fucking hurts to be decapitated?!" The head spat in agitation as the older ninja plucked the head up by a fistful of its hair, lifting it to eye level.

"Perhaps," Kakuzu began evenly, though with a hint of venom in his voice. "If you hadn't been so severely annoying with your incessant whining, it wouldn't have come to this, Hidan."

"Fuck you, Kakuzu! I swear that one of these days, I'll sacrifice your ass to Jashin!"

"I can hardly wait," Kakuzu stated drily, slinging his partner's headless body over his shoulder, continuing along the beaten path.

"Oi, you piece of shit, stitch me back together already!" Hidan commanded, giving the most intimidating glare he could as a severed head.

"Don't feel like it right now. Ask me again later, when you're not acting like such a child."

"You son of a bitch!"

"Five extra minutes of decapitation for your language."

"Fuck off!"

*~*~*~*

"Mm, mm, mm! Nothing like a little snack for the road, eh, you greedy old man?"

Twitch.

"Man, those ribs were the best!" Hidan proclaimed loudly, shooting the agitated Kakuzu a malicious grin, smacking his lips in an exaggerated manner. "And the dango? Amazing!" he continued, waving the dango stick before Kakuzu in a taunting manner.

Twitch. Twitch.

"Yeah, I can see why this stuff was so  expensive! Man, I'm just so satisfied! It was worth every penny! Thanks for letting us stop at that restaurant, old man!"

Twitch, twitch, glare.

"And I can't believe you so generously provided me the cash to pay the bill! Who are you, and what have you done with Kakuzu?!" Hidan cackled in a taunting manner, taking a large bite of his snack.

SCHWAK!

"Ha! Missed me, bastard! As if I would be taken down by the same move twice!"

Kakuzu glared at Hidan, trying, and ultimately failing, to suppress his anger. He wished he'd never caved in to his partner's demands to be stitched back together a few hours ago.