Forever in my heart

Forever in my heart (1)

Why do I always feel like I'm dead? I mean I just don’t feel like myself lately. I hated myself for living this kind of life. Well today was the start of another year of just constant torture for me. I mean I expected high school to go by faster but it seems like its never going to end. I woke up this morning and I just wanted to hide, I didn't want to be the new girl in school. I didn't like the whole Idea of moving here. No one ever talked to me so I knew today was going to go horrible. I guess people just don't see what it's like to be me. When you think of a new school you think fresh start but not for me, for me it was a horrible experience.

Everyone is just staring at me like I'm some kind of monster. I really don't feel like I can make it through today. I started pacing through the hallway trying to get to the office before school started. I wanted to get as far as possible from everyone in this school. I saw people laughing so I felt my self-starting to run. I always have to do something to make me look like the freak.

I opened the door to the office and saw that there was no one there but this one guy, he was just standing there. I guess he was waiting for something. I walked up to the counter quietly and just waited. I could feel this tension forming in my chest. I didn't know if this was nerves or if I was just losing it. "Can I help you?"

Was he talking to me? I couldn't help but just stand there staring at him. My face was full of fear. I could feel my face burning up and I didn't know what to do. I couldn't move my legs; I just stood there staring at him. When I was finally able to move my body I started walking backwards slowly toward the door when I bumped into someone. "Watch where you’re going won't you!" 

"What's wrong with her?"

"I don't know let's just go, something tells me she’s a freak." A freak? Is that really what I am? I couldn't believe it, it was just like being back in school in Virginia, everyone just hated me. I couldn't help but notice that the office had this strange smell to it, it smelt kind of like burnt wood, but maybe it was just my mind messing with me.

"May I help you young lady" The woman sitting behind the counter looked like she was in her late thirties maybe. She was wearing glasses and her hair was really messy as if though she hadn't brushed it in months. I was just standing there staring at her until I felt myself starting to shake. "You must be the new student in school. Jane Lone?"

I nodded my head in agreement and watched as she printed out my schedule and signed the top of the form. She handed me the paper and then directed me to the class I was supposed to report to. I quietly walked out of the office and walked toward the west wing of the school, which was, were I had my first class of the day. English was pretty much my favorite class because I liked to read and write.

I felt kind of awkward while walking to my class, I didn't want to walk in there and just have everyone stare at me. I passed several classrooms until I found my class. I stood there for a moment and just took a deep breath. I needed to stay calm and just get through today; when I got home I could freak out all I wanted. I grabbed the door handle and slowly twisted it to the right. I pulled the door open really slowly and made my way inside. Immediately after I stepped through the door all eyes were on me. "Yes? May I help you?"

I could feel everyone just staring at me. In my head I just wanted to run out of there and just crawl into a hole and never see anyone again. I handed her my papers and then stood there quietly while she looked them over. I noticed people laughing but I just looked the other way.

I didn’t feel comfortable being here. The teacher asked me to step outside and she asked me about my headphones. She understood so she just made me go back into the class were I continued to have people stare at me while she assigned me a seat.