Barriers

Callie

Dear diary,
Another slap to each pale cheek, another tear from each bloodshot eye, screams beyond screams than echo in my mind. I sat down on my bed as I eavesdropped on the shouting downstairs. Head in hands, I couldn't help but feel so stupid. Why hadn't I hidden the god forsaken letter? My mum was so mad, she screeched insults at me I'd never even imagined her saying to me, she even hit me. She'd never hit me before.

I lay down on my bed, face in my pillow, sobbing into it so that my parents couldn't hear me. As I rolled over and grabbed my phone from my nightstand, I dialled the number of the clinic, but I never managed to call. 11am. My appointment was in 3 hours, I could always sneak out the window but I knew that I'd just make everyone more mad. Wiping at my eyes, I put in my earphones and played music at full volume in an attempt to block out the noise downstairs.

An hour or so later, I heard three soft knocks on my bedroom door, followed by my mum entering with a mad but slightly calmer face. "Hey," she said softly, and as expected, I didn't even make an effort to reply. I closed my eyes tight as she sat down beside me on my bed and stroked my hair, against my will entirely. "I'm sorry Callie, it's just I've always thought of you as my pretty little baby girl," I winced at the word as she continued, "look at your gorgeous hair, you couldn't cut it all off because of some crazy internet trend." I nearly lost it. Internet trend? Is my mother entirely out of her mind? Glaring at her, I sat up in bed and opened my mouth to shout at her; but I simply couldn't bring myself to do it. I let out an exasperated sigh and rubbed at my eyes. "Whatever," I said in delayed response. Reaching for my cheek, my mum stroked it with a single finger and said softly, "Promise me you'll never take anything you see on the internet seriously? It's all complete rubbish, you don't really believe you're meant to be a boy do you?" That was it.

"What?" I yelled at her as angry tears filled my dark eyes, "are you kidding me? I've known I wasn't a girl since I was 8 years old and now you're telling me it's an internet fad?" A wave of shock and hatred rushed over my mum as I stood up and continued to yell. "I'll do whatever I want if I think it's right, you're never going to stop me from being who I am!"

She never responded to that comment. Just another slap to my left cheek and a slam of a bedroom door. Yet again, I lay on my bed, a river of tears streaming from my eyes. Why didn't she support me? Surely if she truly cared about me, she'd accept me for who I am? Honestly, I've just about given up with family.