Barriers

Hermione

Hey friend,
It's been a while since i've last written to you and I'm terribly sorry. I've been thrown around recently so much that I can barely even see straight: in fact, since mum and dad passed, I ended up a whole new person, and I'm not entirely sure that was ever a good thing. Strangely, it's almost as if not only have I lost my hearing, but I've lost myself. Who I am. As far as I can remember back, I'd always been the bubbly child, the one who didn't care, always lived happily in her own little world. But now, I'm lost, and I don't think I can ever be found again in this ocean of life.

Sitting up, I brush my hand through my long, dirty blonde hair and sigh as I pull the covers from my minuscule bed. Reluctantly, I make my way downstairs after tying up my hair into a messy bun and throwing on an old hoodie over my pyjamas.

I slowly walk into the dining room and am greeted by a swarm of hyperactive children by my feet, playing some sort of game. I go to tell them to shut up, but I don't seeing as I can't even hear the sound of my own voice so God knows what it would come out as. Instead, I brush past the grinning and most likely squealing children, pick up a slice of toast from the plate on the kitchen side and sit at the table to eat it. My social worker, Mollie, sits besides me and smiles, as I make a brief attempt to smile back she goes to say something then realise I'm oblivious. That's the thing, no one even bothers to make an effort with me anymore. It wouldn't matter to them if I was about to jump off a bridge, because I wouldn't be able to hear the support to help bring me back.

I roll my eyes and hand her my notepad; which I usually use for communication seeing as I am still able to read and write since I lost my hearing at 11.
'You okay?' she writes in a scrawl I can barely understand as it's near to illegible.
'Fine.' I jot back in my small, uniform handwriting. She doesn't ask any further, because she knows. She knows that I'm not really fine and she can't force me to be. I can't hear anything. I miss it. The buzz of the gossiping teenagers, the blaring music at parties, the voices of those I love, and worst of all, I miss being able to hear myself playing my beloved guitar I stopped learning once I couldn't hear the chords and judge whether they were in tune. It's a hobby alike singing that I quit and had no desire to ever bring back to my life, sure I've lost my hearing, but I've lost my interests too.

And it sucks ass, believe me it does.