Under my Bodyguard's Control (manxman, manxwoman)*Power Tops Book 3*

Chapter 11

Chapter 11

(The Rosetti's Penne Pasta with Vodka Sauce)

Joseph

Today was one of those days that if anything could go wrong, it did so in the most spectacular fashion. Thank god is was nearing the end of my work day and I was going to go home and maybe have a glass of wine or three. I wasn't sure if Mike was going to be free before dinner time. He'd been busy all day with new prospective clients seeking his security firm to provide their services to their impressive list of multi millionaire clientele. The last I heard from him was around lunch time, when he'd informed me that Marcus had told him Damien and Gavin were due to arrive back from their honeymoon later this evening.

Unable to pour any attention at all on the exceptionally interesting fictional manuscript on my desk from a new author, I carefully arranged the pages and inserted back into the review file. Even the excitement of having another talented author on my roster wasn't enough to help me focus. Mike hadn't sounded too concerned when he informed me about Damien, but I could still feel his underlying anxiety about my mindset when it comes to my former lovers. Marcus and Corey seem to understand my position, but both, Beth and Mike kept looking at me like they were expecting me to fall apart or something. They didn't understand that for the years I've spent with Damien and Gavin, I considered myself blessed. I was loved by two incredible men. I'm sure they still care about me just as much as I care for them, but our relationship had run it's course.

No one could hold the capacity of Damien's heart like Gavin. No one could ever compare or compete with the bond those two shared. I'd never expected Damien to care for me like he does for Gavin, not from day one. They were destined for each other and no matter how the both of them had opened their home and their hearts to me, I'd always felt like I was a part of the beautiful and endearing relationship, but not fully immersed as I should have been. Something had been missing for me. In my mind I'd wanted someone to be as devoted to me and only me, just as Damien devoted his whole world just to see Gavin smiling and happy. There was no use being bitter about it. The situation was pure me and my mindset, it wasn't anything that Damien or Gavin had done or didn't do.

I was a coward to let things go on and drag out as long as I did. Year after year of telling myself that I was going to approach Damien about my feelings only to chicken out everytime. One look into those gorgeous crystalline, blue-green eyes and I'd forget my concerns. One touch from Gavin's smooth little hands and my body would lite up like someone had doused me in lighter fluid and lit a match. After all that time together, the chemistry between us was never a problem.

Damien's expert hands, his floggers, and his damable talent with hot wax made me cream myself time and time again, but I'd wanted more. I wanted him to take me deeper into the realm of pain and testing my boundaries, it had caused a slight ripple in the harmony of our play scenes. Damien was more into mind games, edging, and power exchange. Oh, he can dole out some serious pain, but it wasn't his thing and honestly, I was ashamed to ask for it. I wasn't familiar enough with Sadism and Masochism to know what it was I truly wanted until Mike briefly introduced me to wonders of it.

Yet Mike still hesitates as if he's waiting for me to change my mind and go running back into Damien's arms. He doesn't realize that the Chapter of Damien, Gavin, and I is over in the sense of us being in a triad relationship. Though, I must admit that if Damien hadn't taken me to lunch that day and put all the cards on the table upfront and technicolor, I'm not sure if I'd had the strength to end things between us. Maybe I would have stayed with them and were would we be? He and Gavin wouldn't be in wedded bliss right now, and I wouldn't have Mike and all of that potential in place to have everything I was seeking deep down in my masochistic little heart. That just goes to show why Damien had earned the title of Master Dominant.