Lonely Heart

Love and pain

Crying. Weeping. Hurting. In pain. Heart aching.

I have been dealing with this crazy feelings embellished inside me. Too weak to overcome it. Too stressed out to think of it. Too insecure to stand up and rise again. Heart was shattered to pieces. It's too hard for me to pick it up and put it together.

I fall too much that I barely see the truth from his lies. I kept on fooling myself around thinking that he'll be able to see me as a woman. I assumes he will always be there to ask for forgiveness every time he made some mistakes. I am lying to everyone telling them how much he cares for me when in fact I am the one who's been caring too much for him. I made myself so visible that almost everyone could se me dying but I kept on pretending. He cheated on me all the time but I still trust him that bad because I'm afraid that if I'm not, I might lose him. I ignore everything they said and wouldn't listen to anyone because I loved him. Seasons were changing and the colors were fading but I'm still here waiting for my only love to ring the phone and call me that he is now coming home to me. But all of this is so insane. It has been a part of my horrible dream.

One day I woke up from my nightmares. I'm grasping for air. It's so hard for me to breath. My heart is now bleeding not in pain but due to rejection. I was tearing apart not because I'm broken but because I saw myself in misery. I was shattered not because I'm fallen to pieces but because I saw myself running around the circles all the time but still I'm into him a billion times. I'm in comatose not because of the bruises or booboo's that he made to my poor heart but because I saw myself drained and powerless over him whenever our eyes met. I was dying not because he shoot me but because I'm grieving for my weakness and softness. I feel so sorry for myself. I was a messed by that time. I feel like a trash and invaluable.

I was now a brokenhearted. I let him go. I set him free. I have to move on and be happy. I guess it's now time for me to value my worth and empower. I have to rise and be heard. I need to act smart and witty. I need to stand up and let my voice be heard. I have been into rough times and I'm done with it. I have been ruthless to myself and now I have to make it up for her. I got to make her smile again and raise her self esteem to make through it all. I was so powerless before but now I want to stand up and be strong to defend myself against pain. I have to prepare myself for changes. This is my time now. I won't let anyone drag me down again in the pit of helplessness. It may be hard and rough but I know I can make it.

I don't have to worry about moving on and getting a hold to myself. I always believe after the storm, better days are coming in my way. This is MY time now. I will value myself and let them see my worth. I will keep a high walls around my heart until the right time comes for me to open it up again and make it available. I will make sure to heal the wounds that was unrightfully embossed in my suffering heart. I'll erase the scar of being broken before I'll over. I may cry over for many nights but I'll make sure I will get over from it and my grieving will be over. I'll let it rain for the mean time but when the right time comes and I will fully realize how clumsy I was before, I will never let it happen to me. I'll show the world the women's Empowerment. I'll shine like a star and as brilliant as the sun.

So for now, I'll let my lonely heart rest.