Cookie Fortune

My ragged old backpack accompanies me like any other day as it has for nearly a decade now. A backpack whose fabric has begun to peel off for a little over two years now. Pieces of it now hang out in the open waiting to get caught by its zippers. I have never thought to cut them off in order to avoid them getting caught as they usually do. I'm far too lazy and unmotivated to even think about it.

I am just one week shy of college graduation. My Computer Science degree is supposed to lead me to a higher quality of life. Surely those doors of opportunity promise to be great. Good pay, stability, and even some status amongst my peers, especially those who wasted their time in the Humanities. They usually call me smart for knowing how to code and mention how fortunate I am to enter an industry that's going to make me a decent amount of money. I've heard that sentiment one too many times. It truly impresses my friends who still work retail. They'll likely stay there even after they graduate. At least for a while longer.

I feel like a hot shot now. But sadly I know that as soon as I start work I'll begin dreaming about a vacation on the other side of the planet. Angkor Wat, Vatican City, or even Jerusalem. Some place spiritual. In the meantime, ill be hoping to break out of the trap that keeps regret as a major theme in my life.

Finals have quickly come upon me, and just as my academic career comes to an end, I think my journey with this black backpack should also do the same. I don't even know that it wants to be around me anymore. Greater, more significant pieces of it have begun to fall apart. The logo began to disintegrate a while ago. Apparently no longer does the backpack even want its name attached to it. Maybe its trying to tell me its time to part ways.

I have attractive salary offers for entry level jobs in shining new start ups writing code. I find it tedious though. I have the chance of financial stability that my family has always dreamed of, if I want it. Mom used to skip meals so that I would have enough to eat. But, I've never longed for the passion and adventure that is lacking in my life any more than I do today. I want to create with the artists, play my cards with the musicians, and get to know a homeless man or two. I need to see the world.

But surely, mom didn't raise me paycheck to paycheck in order for me to continue living one paycheck away from eviction. It would all be for a life only meagerly more comfortable than the one she lives.

She taught me the language of the omens. They are around us at all times. Pointing us in new directions. Sometimes they wait for you to see them, other times they approach you like the girl you dumped via text message.

It's interesting that at this point I have come across a fortune cookie that was stored in my backpack. The answer to my dilemma has to be in this cookie, I think. Everything happens for a reason right? I forgot it was in there. Despite the several hits this backpack takes on a daily basis the cookie is still completely intact in its plastic wrapper

I have seen these fortunes change lives, you can ask Sheri the former corner hoe. Her fortune once read A good change will soon embrace you, be attentive. A week later she found several thousand dollars stacked in a brown paper bag and she made a big investment in her cosmetic appearance. She now caters strictly to upper class gentlemen making more money than even some corrupt wall street bankers, that's the word on the street anyways. I guess some people sell their souls for money. Sheri sells her body. Once she left the corner on Madison Avenue I never saw her again. I hope she is doing well.

Truly, I am in no mood for a cookie, but this cookie just keeps staring at me from the corner of this library cubicle where it now sits. It is begging for me to open it. I am confident the fortune in the cookie will direct me to what my next step shall be. To a life that I truly want to be living. There is a reason it has resurfaced at this moment in time. It all happens for a reason.

I decide to finally open it. Choosing to no longer prolong the message of this omen. I tear open and remove the plastic wrapper, placing it on the table, overlooking my next move. There it is. The cookie now in my hand. I pull it apart, remembering that its good luck to read the fortune before you eat the cookie. By this time my sweet tooth begins to kick in. While I anticipate the prize inside and the cookie itself, to my surprise the cookie reveals to me nothing. It's empty. They gave me a fortune cookie with no fortune inside of it.

Clearly it is a failure of this omen.

What am I to do without any sign of direction? I am lost.

I guess ill go work in the city's tech center, in SOMA. I will enjoy the fortunes of tech. I guess my dreams can wait. They always have. Patience is their specialty.

But what is this? Mothers voice inside my head. No matter how much I try to avoid it sometimes, my mother always has the last word. Even from a distance. Her voice reminding me of one of the last things she taught me before I left home. One last thing about the language of the omens. She said, the absence of an omen is an omen in of itself. It's all in your gut. Listen to it. It is the one omen that is always with you.

I saw an ad for cheap tickets to Spain the other day. A 599 dollar round trip special. But surely it can wait until I am at least a bit more financially stable. Surely the start up job can't be all that bad. I can already see the office jumping with joy in anticipation of its next worker. Boy oh boy the perks that await me.

I pause, knowing I'll become a worker needing to adopt a caffeinated lifestyle. I'll be standing in line every day at the coffee shop with a fake smile on my face just thanking god I no longer have that minimum wage job. Only to remind myself every time they hand me that cup of coffee that I have never really liked coffee in the first place. I'll only drink half of it because I need it. I'll truly hate it though.

My phone buzzes. I've just received a new email. It looks like the typical spam but for some reason I decide to open it. It's a new airline offering promotional trips to Iceland. Even cheaper than the tickets to Spain. Tickets must be booked for the last week in May, no exceptions. That is the week right after college graduation.

What to do?

I'll make it up along the way. At least for now a life of travel it is. Who knows what crazy lifestyle I'll be living in a year.

But how about that financial stability? Do I even want the nice house, the nice car, a nice retirement account for my elderly self? Following your dream too much leads to the retail folks eventually surpassing you. I wonder if I really want that. Truly, I don't know, but at least right now, I don't care.

I often feel conflicted about many things in my life, but only at this time do mom's last words when she dropped me off for college ring in my head. "Little bird, you are ready, don't forget you know how to fly. Now just do."