A Letter from the One that Got Away.

For 5 yrs I never asked anything from you. I just wanted you to be happy, I just wanted US to be happy. I tried to provide all of the things you never had. I tried to give you all the things that you wanted. I tried my best to make you feel loved and I tried so much to make you happy, but, in the end, it's as if, it's never enough. I am never enough. Of course I won't be. I am just human, I am not God. I will always be the cause of your disappointment. I will never meet your expectations. I will never be your ideal girl. But you had always been mine.

I will be forever grateful for all of the memories we've shared together through  the good and bad. Im sorry and thank you for everything. I have never imagined na sa ganito lang pala matatapos at mawawala ang lahat ng walang rason. :)

I'm not mad or what, I'm just shocked. No, more like disappointed. You gave me tons of reasons to leave you, but I never did. I never did because I love you so much. I love you so much I can take everything you throw at me. I overlooked your mistakes. I disregarded your flaws. I tried to understand you and your situation. But right now, I'm lost. I don't even know what I did, what went wrong. I don't even know what made you do it. Worse, you left me with millions of question in my brain to the point where I could not eat, i could not sleep. All I did was cry in my room. You left me during the darkest days of my life. I needed to survive life's challenges alone. But see? I survived. Am I hurt? Of course I am, what do you expect?

Now, it has been weeks na wala na tayong communication. Di ko alam kung paano mo natiis maybe siguro may mga bagay na nagpapasaya sayo ngayon dyan. Don't worry I'm happy seeing you happy and now, tanggap ko na na hanggang dito na lang talaga. I admit na nung iniwan mo ako, I was still expecting na magiging okay lahat na panaginip lang lahat until I checked your google activity. Yes, I was stalking you everyday and saw everything there. Those "challenges"? It caused me so much pain. I was hoping that it's not true but no, this is reality.(P.S. dont worry I already logged out all of your accounts here in my phone because Im just killing my self) It's just hard to accept all of the criticisms and gossips about me which is not true and I can't believe that for 5 yrs of knowing me, you're believing people who werent even there when you're all alone. Yung mga taong ngayon mo lang nakilala at yung mga taong wala nung kailangan mo sila.

I'm praying for you everyday to keep you safe and happy. I know in the near future, our paths will cross again. Don't worry when that time comes I will no longer be the Sarah that you used to know. I will no longer be begging for you to stay. I will no longer be there for you because during the day that you left, everything changed. My Dreams, my goals , ME.

You'll always be my first love, lab. Thank you for eating the mango in my jollibee mango pie. Thank you for fetching me after class. Thank you for going into our house with balot because you know that's the only food I crave for. Thank you for introducing to me KFC's mashed potato which became my favorite side dish. Thank you for bringing me in all of your basketball games before because you wanted me to scream and cheer for you but I never did because I'm shy. Ha ha Thank you kase nang dahil sayo nagka-first offense ang lisensya ko. Ha ha Thank you for all the driving and swimming escapades. Thank you for making my 18th birthday memorable. Thank you for respecting me as a woman. Thank you for being with me for 2 yrs and 9months and 15 days. Words cannot express how thankful I am for having you into my life as my friend, best friend, enemy, best buddy, best boyfriend and a lesson.

I'm losing hope. Actually, I don't hope anymore because things seems to be really different right now. I dont know the old you anymore. You've change a lot and I didn't see it coming . I'm sorry if I'm not the best. I'm sorry if I'm not perfect. I'm sorry if I wasnt able to greet you in Facebook during your birthday because I was in the hospital taking care of my father and taking all of the responsibilities and duties a mother and a father should do. Ako lahat, mag isa. Lastly I'm sorry for being just a human. You'll never see or hear anything from me again.

I wish you the best in life. I hope you still study hard to catch your dreams and I wish you will be the best man to your future family. Just don't forget to pray everyday and remember your goals in life so that you won't regret anything in the future. And just a suggetion, please don't date any girl if you don't have any plans of marrying her. If you want to live a happy life in the future, be careful what you're doing in the present.

Now, after 5 years I finally gave up. I am now setting you free and letting you go. Finally, after 5 years,I am starting to accept that maybe I'm not the girl you really wanted to be with in the first place and I will never be enough for you no matter what I do cause that's what I feel - useless.

I know everything happens for a reason I may be suffering right now but I'll be fine. I'll be strong. You'll always be in my prayers, Goodluck , I love you, Goodbye, My First love.