note this down, please

05

written on the 'notes' app on phone; to be saved and stared at once in a while 

•••

IFeelConstricted.

My chest is heaving as I wait outside my maths class, trying to catch oxygen, trying to be calm.  

Though my eyes are dry, I'm weeping like a widow on the inside. I don't know what I should be staring at, my eyes flicker everywhere and my lungs constrict as I think of the consequences of The Councillor. 

This person is supposed to "help me".  At least, that's what they said. But they don't understand, there is no helping me. I can't be changed, I can't control my emotions;

I can't control my depression -- because my depression controls me. 

All day, my eyes flicker to the classroom door, waiting for someone to come in and say that they have something to give to me from the main office. 

I hear a knock, later in third session, and my eyes shoot to the source of the noise. 

"Hi, um, I have something from the office for-"