30 Day Letter Challenge

Day 5 - Your Dreams

A/N: I'm a little nervous about this chapter but it was all i could think of to write about.

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Day 5 - Your Dreams

My dreams.

That's what this little section is about.

I could talk about a lot of different things, my actual dreams that I have when I sleep, or my dreams and hopes for the future. So in this letter I'm going to talk about both because I feel they are linked.

When I say dreams, you immediately think of happy things like going to a theme park or having a fun day or something along those lines. When I say dream, I mean messages that are playing in your subconscious.

My dreams are fairly dark. Only one person knows about this particular dream and that's my friend Kara. I told her because I knew she wouldn't judge me because she also has friends that are dark deep down.

In this particular dream I'm on a clock. A large grandfather clock and people are telling me not to jump but I do. Now normally in this part of the dream you'd wake up but I didn't. I hit the bottom with a loud crack, and my back breaks. I feel an intense amount of pain every time but cannot move.

There's an old legend saying if you die in your dream you die in real life, now obviously that's not true but in this dream I wish it was me getting killed. When I hit the ground I'm in a white room with nothing but a chair, then someone appears in it and are burnt alive. All I can think is I wanted to help that person but I couldn't. I can't move all I can do is cry out and wait until I wake and this nightmare is over.

I have thought a lot about what this dream means, and I've come to the conclusion. It’s trying to tell me I'm selfish.

While I am injured I could try harder to help, my arms work, why didn't I crawl? Why didn’t I drag myself to the hose that always appears ten meters away?

Because I'm selfish. I didn’t want to put myself through the pain to save someone else. That is why my dreams are centred on helping people in one little way or another. I want to be a physiatrist, to help people or think they are insane, a lawyer, not for the money but to fight for those who are right, to be a person that is selfless and caring.

Dreams help us become who we are. My dreams helped me realize my biggest flaw.

Dreams, such a simple context, but such a complexes meaning.

Jess.