how many secrets can you keep? || taelice

9

T A E H Y U N G

"W-What?" Even in a small and almost inaudible whisper, I could still hear the pain in her voice. I closed my eyes while also trying to suppress my tears. I have no right to cry. I never did and never will.

When I opened them back again, all I could see was shock and disbelief painted on Lisa's face.

"Pokpak," I managed to blurt out but my voice cracked. Tears suddenly stopped from falling off of her eyes. "My Pokpak," I said again more properly this time while trying to get closer to her. I stared at her eyes even though it was the hardest thing for me to do right now. "I-I'm really sorry, o-okay? It was all just a misunder-" 

She suddenly stood up and stepped away from me.

"How do you know the nickname that Taehyung gave me?" She asked. I know this side of her, she gets really denial when she doesn't want to believe something. But I know that she knows it's me. I know.

"Pokpak-" I started but she cut me off.

"No, no, no." Tears started to fill her eyes once again, "Taehyung never dreamed about becoming an idol. He was going to become a successful saxophonist! That was his dream!" Her voice sounded really hoarse and I know that she's on the verge of breaking down again. That's how sensitive and emotional she is. 

I stood up in front of her and held her shoulders while trying to calm her down, "Shh, Pokpak, listen. Please."

"It was all just a misunderstanding, okay?" I said in a whisper that seemed to slow down her breathing a bit, "I-I was trying to protect you from that girl that's why I said those things. I didn't think of you as someone who I turned to whenever I needed something. I didn't mean what I said when I said that I didn't like you. I loved you and that was the truth-"

"This is all wrong," she said and stepped away from me again. She was struggling to find her words and her breathing became fast again, "V, please stop playing games with me."

I quickly went closer to her once again and to force her to listen to me, I placed both my hands on the sides of her head and placed my forehead over hers. "Pokpak, all that I'm saying is true, okay? Please believe me. I really loved you and I didn't know what to do when you decided to leave me alone. I was so alone, Pokpak. Everything that surrounded me w-was darkness," tears started streaming down my face when I remembered everything that happened. I held her face closer to mine and I felt her tears on my hands. "I'm really sorry if you had a very traumatic experience because of me. I'm sorry if you almost drowned because of me. I'm sorry if you've been busy fighting the monsters inside your heart and mind because of me. I - "

She suddenly held both of my hands and slowly put them down.

"I have to go," she said weakly as she turned around from me and ran.

I didn't know what to do. I stared at where she stood before, and after a while, I realized that she was gone and she was alone.

I abruptly wiped the tears off my face and ran to exit the building and to look for her. I didn't know where to start looking for her so I followed my instincts and there I saw her, walking slowly on an empty and silent street.

I felt relieved and just followed her from a distance. I may look like a stalker right now but I need to make sure that she gets home safely. She has really grown to be so tall, and - I know this is random but - what's happening to her hair? It seems to be damaged. I couldn't help but chuckle. I know how she feels though. I, too, have changed my hair color a lot of times before.