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"Amanda!"

"Amanda!"

"Amanda Katherine Smith!"

"Stop this silly tantrum right away!"

I remember being a place just like the devil's land, overwhelming, loud, and bright. People were bumping into me and touching me when they didn't know it. The feeling stayed. There was too many colors. And I was just a kid, about five. 

I don't remember what happened after I heard my name. My sister Liza claims that I was literally spinning out of control. 

Liza then says I was like a gone girl, lost so deep inside her head that no one could ever reach her.  My mother thought I was throwing a big tantrum, while trust me, I knew what they were saying to her. 

And eventually it all stopped. Three hours later, in the dustiness of my room. I knew I wouldn't ever stop with the "tantrums".  Eventually I feared becoming overwhelmed. I knew the outcome. I was always down. 

I didn't stop being "weird". 
But at the age of fourteen, the million questions were all given one answer. 

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