strong.

Prologue

M E R I Y A H

Birds flying high, 

You know how I feel

Sun in the sky

You know how I feel

Breeze driftin' on by

You know how I feel

It's a new dawn

It's a new day

It's a new life

For me

And I'm feeling good

I'm feeling good  

                                                        

Why must that song always taunt me. I mean like, it keeps running through my head, and I don't know how to get it out. I guess who ever wrote was trying to be sarcastic when they put it on the airwaves. The sun doesn't know how I feel. First I lose my parents, then I end up living with my abusive boyfriend, who constantly beats the shit outta me if I even think about how I feel. Then, everyday I find myself lying to people about what's going on in my life.

How the fuck am I supposed to escape this bullshit. So how the the fuck the sun, or the birds, or the nigga who wrote the song know how the fuck I feel? Yes, may name may mean strong, but it's like my mother and father was being sarcastic when they named me. It's like God sent me on this earth to make my life a living hell. 

Ever since the eighth grade, I've been on my own. Me and Anya been runnin' the drug cartel together. Daniel was the one who helped, and I just happen to fall in love with him. I would've never thought that I would be one of the girls who just so happen to get abused and shit in a relationship. But the thing is I love daniel too much to leave him. It's like he has this affect on me. 

Fuck my life, Daniel's life, and my parent's lives. The dude who wrote that song may have been feeling good, but I'm not. I can only stay strong but for so fucking long. So no, I'm not feeling good.

The only person who truly understands me is my best friend, Anya.

 

A N Y A 

I hated being in that house with that lady who I call my mother. She hadn't  done anything for me but gave birth to me. She ran all over me and I didn't like that shit. She  used to have all these loud ass parties and all these nasty men running in and out of that house. If I didn't know better I would call my mama a ho, but thank goodness I do know better. I'm just so glad I'm out of that house and on my own. I'm better off this way anyway, or so I think. 

Meriyah has been running this drug cartel with me since the 8th grade, the year I left my mother's house and moved from house to house until 12th grade. Back then, I was willing to do whatever to make money because ends were not being met and I honestly thought I would have been dead a long time ago. By being so desperate for money, I started selling marijuana, every type of marijuana you could think of, Meriyah too.  We began to get noticed by huge kingpins and what not and they put us  on the squad or whatever. We later became more known than the niggas that put us on and I think that made them angry. Whatever. 

Meriyah is in a relationship and I think its so cute. They're like the perfect couple or so I think. Me, on the other hand, I'm single as a ever and I kinda like it this way. The funny thing is, I'm not ready for a relationship, maybe just a slight fling. I believe you cannot effectively get the amount of money you want with a partner. 

The thing is, Meriyah and I are so lowkey with our business, you would have never known had I not told you. It's crazy. I don't feel I am fit to be a part of the "thug life" anymore, but only time will tell where I'll end up.

I like to keep to myself most of the time but don't get me wrong, partying isn't bad at all. I actually love partying but I think I have to limit my partying because these parties are starting to catch up with me.

All hell is about to break loose and I'm not even sure if I'm ready for it.