strong.

Chapter 3

A N Y A

I just couldn't seem to stop thinking about Chance. It's like he put me in a place that I've never been before, but I miss that place. We haven't talked since last week at Starbucks. Me being the person I am, I didn't want to text or call him first because I hate putting myself out there and being rejected. I just like to stay reserved.

I turned over and looked at the clock,

10:43 AM

For some reason, I just couldn't sleep. I had this crazy nightmare and I just couldn't shake the images out my head. There are just some things I wish I could have avoided in my life. I wish I had a better relationship with my mother. She really hurt me, and the things she made me endure are things I will never forget, no matter how hard I try. There are just things you don't make your child go through, no matter how hard you are struggling.

See, I grew up in a very bad town in Louisiana, it was just me and my mother. In the beginning, we never really had our own house. We would live with some of my mother's dirty, trifling friends. Eventually, we finally got our own small house and in order for my mother to maintain the house, she had to make money some how, which is why these dirty old men were always in and out of our house.

I'll never forget that night.

One night, my mother couldn't satisfy one of her customers, so she insisted I do the job or else, I was dead. I didn't know what I was doing, but he seemed to enjoy it because he would come back every single night. I was so oblivious to what was happening. I just did what my mother told me to do, out of respect. I may not have liked some of the things my mother did or made me do, but one thing I always had for my mother was respect.

The only reason I beat myself up about the situation is, it wasn't rape. Eventually, I began to enjoy it, only because I didn't know it was wrong at the time. When he wouldn't come over some nights, I would grow upset. It was almost like I let my frustrations that my mother caused out on what my mother was frustrating me with. Contradictory. huh?

I finally decided to get up and go to Meriyah's place. I just threw on an oversized t-shirt and some Nike slides. I did my hygiene routine, gave my curls a shake, and left.

Before I got inside my car, I stood and looked around. The world was so beautiful. I just couldn't understand why it had to be so ugly to me. I think I'm a pretty okay person, did I really deserve what I went through? Where was God when I needed him? I got so sick of hearing people say "Pray. You must pray". Pray for what? God has never been there for me.

I got into my car and rode in silence. I was in a daze. I just thought about how different my life could be, if those events had not happened.

I rang the doorbell to Meriyah's house, to immediately be greeted by Daniel.

"Hey Daniel! Is Meriyah here, or better yet, is she awake?"

"She's sleep, as always. She is one lazy female. "

I rolled my eyes and walked into the house.

"Aye, tell Meriyah I'm gone when she wakes up."

"I'm sure she'll know you'e gone when she wakes up because you won't be in the bed beside her, dumbass. "

I sat down and turned on the television, but that just wasn't satisfying enough. I had the sudden urge to write, just write. I pulled out my phone and went to the note section and just began to write.

Hey glory child, don't you worry

Stuttering,shaken off your fear

Beauty's never given in a hurry