Jasmine (BWWM)

1

        The cold wind ran across my face as I walked up to my apartment complex. I've always hated the cold and quite frankly I hate this city. There were too many people, too many affairs going on, sometimes it's hard to breathe. This place was never my choice to live. My mother constantly reminded me of the many job opportunities this place offered. Being a cosmetic surgeon in the open lands of the mid-west didn't really sit well with my mother.

She was the worst. She's the reason I am the way I am. 

Empty.

She completely sucked out all the life I had when I was 8 years old.

I pulled out my disposable camera and flashed a quick picture of the butterfly resting on the pretty yellow flower.  I sat next to the flower holding my breath not wanting to disturb God's beautiful creature. That is until a tiny grubby hand ripped the flower from its roots.

"HEY!" I yelled at the tiny boy who made the butterfly fly away towards its next destination.

"I'm sorry. I was just getting flowers for my momma." He looked at me like he was sorry and I had no choice but to forgive him.

"That's okay. I was just trying to take a picture to add my collection."

"What's in your collection?" The boy asked me as he ripped more plants out of the ground.

"Birds, flowers, trees, pretty much anything that lives outside."

"Even hobos?"

He was an odd silly boy. No one like I have met before. "I've never even seen a real life hobo."

"I have. One time on my way to football practice and one time when my mom made me help at a soup kitchen." 

"My mom doesn't like helping people. She says that the poor should be helping the rich like us." 

"Your mom sounds like a meanie."  

I stayed quiet as he made this assumption about my mother. But he was right. 

    Later that day she took my camera and smashed it. She found out about my collection of photos. Photos that my nanny helped me develop. She was fired that day. I guess taking pictures got in the way of my studies and piano lessons.

That was the last day I took a picture.

I curled up in my blanket with a box of wine. This is what my Friday nights consisted of. Wine and reruns of old shows like Sister, Sister or Sandford and Son. I pulled my phone out and scrolled through my Instagram feed. It was filled with pictures of everyone living a full life. My co-worker was currently in Dubai soaking up the sun with her recent fiance. I clicked on her page and saw the endless post of smiles and love. I took a big gulp of my wine.

My life is so pointless. I do nothing but help snobby rich people enhance their appearance. I hate my job, I have no friends and I bet no one is proposing to me soon. 

All this floated through my brain and the alcohol flowed through my veins. It was probably my drunken thoughts but these thoughts had a pattern of showing up during my sober days.

Fuck it. If I'm not happy in one year I'm done. I'm going to get my life the way I want it.