Tortured Soul Asylum

Chapters 7-9

Chapter Seven

…The first time I tried to kill myself, it was three days after Sam had died. I brought my favorite razor blade with me to school and waited until the girls’ bathroom was empty. Then, locking myself in a stall, I took off my jacket and sliced open every inch of my arms. I held my wrists over the toilet as the blood gushed out.

            But instead of dying from the blood loss, I only passed out for an hour.

            When I woke up, the bathroom was still empty. I got my things together and went to class, not bothering to clean up any of the blood. It was then that I finally realized I was a failure. I wasn’t able to even kill myself to be with Sam.

            For the rest of the day in school, I went from class to class, sleeping my failure away. No one ever bothered to wake me up to do any classwork. They didn’t even see me or notice my presence. It was as if I had never existed. But of course, I always knew that I wasn’t real…

            A cold, bony finger is prodding me awake. I open my eyes to see that it’s my new roommate. “It’s morning,” Violet says awkwardly. “So if you want to take a shower…I already took mine.”

            I sigh, and sit up on my bed. “You know, it doesn’t matter whether you’ve taken yours already or not. There’s, like, five showers in that bathroom.”

            Violet looks at me with wide deer eyes, as if I’ve insulted her. Then she just sits on her bed and laughs. Even her smiles match Sam’s.

            “So, what are you in here for?” I ask, cracking a smile.

I expect her to instantly become quiet and get a somber look on her face, but she only says half-heartedly, “I tried to out myself with another overdose. What about you?”

I smirk. “Yeah, I did the same thing. With some of this to go along.” I pull down my shirt to show her the wounds on my chest.

Violet’s eyes widen. “I figured you’re a cutter, because of…those…on your arms…”

Grinning, I show her the newest wounds over my wrist.

“Nice stitches, huh?” I say. She laughs again, nodding.

“Okay, I guess I’ll go take a shower, now. See you at breakfast.”

“Mhmm,” she mumbles. I try not to think about how much she just sounded like Sam.

My legs carry me quickly out the room. I can feel the plastic fork against my left breast, my heart beating against it. I know exactly what to do once I get to the bathroom.

†

“Nice to have you back where you belong,” Sam says with a smile. As I strip down in the shower, I turn the water on and lacerate my hip with the fork. I don’t watch myself bleed this time. Instead, she watches. Spider web strands trickle down my leg and the water washes away my hopes and memories. As my blood disappears down the drain, I am finally freed.

Chapter Eight

I’m elated, walking back to mine and Violet’s room. The security guards’ eyes are on me, but they don’t know what I have just done.

In the cafeteria, random food lands on my plate but I’m not paying attention. I sit down with Violet and eat a few bites of mashed potatoes. Chew, chew, and swallow. Calories = 67. Cut, cut, bleed. Blood = bliss.

“What’s got you in such a good mood?” Violet asks.

“If you really want to know, I’ll tell you in our room,” I respond. “And plus, I am never happy.” My lips stretch into a painful smile. And it’s not until I go to throw my food away that I figure out Sam is gone, once again. Doesn’t she know how much I need her?