Remember Me

Chapter 5

Blake’s mind was blank. He was in such a state of shock that he hadn’t been able to eat in 3 days. All he recalled eating was half an apple, and that’s just because Sarah made him. He didn’t feel hungry. He didn’t feel thirsty. Actually, he felt almost nothing, nothing but a strong pain in his chest. He knew it wasn’t his heart, it was something else. It was like a monster trying to crawl out of his insides. People said things to him, hugged him, held his hand, but he heard nothing, only nodded in response. It was like he was dead. In that moment he really wished he was, now there were two people he loved that were not breathing anymore.

The priest talked, he didn’t listen. Sarah held his hand, he felt nothing. Sarah had come over the day before; she had gotten worried because Blake didn’t call her in 2 days, so she called Amanda to ask if everything was alright. When she heard the news, she booked the next flight to Montana immediately. She was worried about her fiancée, their last phone calls had been cut short, lacking of the sweetness that they used to have… something in her senses told her she should go. When Blake saw her, he felt surprised she was there. She had met his mother at least 3 times, and they had liked each other, not as much as Blake thought they would, though. He felt guilty holding her hand; he thought Margot could be watching and he didn’t want to hurt her anymore. He didn’t want to hurt anymore.

A single tear streamed down his cheek as he saw the coffin get lowered into the ground. He didn’t want his mother to rot down there; she was too beautiful, too kind. She deserved to be spread somewhere as beautiful as her, a beach, maybe, she always loved the beach. But his brother Marc had decided something else for her, and since he was the oldest, he couldn’t do anything about it. Marc and Blake were close when they were younger, but when he moved out they got into a terrible argument, because Marc thought he should stay and take her of his mother. Blake knew Marc had always been jealous of his life, his grades, his friends… and maybe that’s why he wanted him to stay. When he came back, they had forgiven each other, but there still was some tension left between them.

Being in the grim cemetery made him think about Margot, and how she was never buried because the police never found a body. They had said the bear must have eaten her whole. No one had cried for the soul of Margot Holland but him and another person,their teacher, Mr. Moretz. Her parents were long gone, and she didn’t have any relatives she was close to. Maybe that’s why her soul was wandering around, Blake thought. Her body never found somewhere to rest. Did anyone else think about her? Was she just forgotten? How could someone ever forget those amazing blue eyes? Those were the type of questions that occasionally crossed Blake’s mind. Lately he had felt he was the only one who remembered Margot, but he hadn’t asked anyone about her, though. It wasn’t the right time.

When the service was over, everyone headed home in their separate ways. Blake went with Sarah, Amanda alone, and Marc with his wife, Carey. On the road, Blake said nothing, only looked forward and kept driving, stopping when he had to. Sarah understood his silence, and just softly held his hand, rubbing small circles with her thumb in a comforting way. He had always loved it when Sarah did this to him, but now it felt strange, like he had disconnected from her suddenly. He didn’t want to hurt her, but he felt like he didn’t want to marry her anymore. Seeing Margot had opened a wound that had been closed years ago, and now it was wide open, and it hurt when Sarah touched him. Had he told her about Margot? He was sure he had, maybe he had told her in one of their first dates, when they were talking about love and exes and all sorts of different stuff. It had been hard for him to tell her, because just by talking about it he could feel his hands shake, but he liked her so much he hid his disorder from her that one day, just so he wouldn’t screw the date up.

When they got home, all he wanted was to sleep for a thousand years, to forget this never ending nightmare. The only ones staying at the house were Amanda, Sarah and him. Marc had moved out recently with his new wife to an apartment complex not very far away from there.