impavid

the begining

mama -

where are you mama?

are you safely tucked away in your room, cuddled under your blanket with your nightlight on? are you working? are you at school?

or are you holding your drink? the drink which seems to bring you more joy than your own family.

why do you do it mama? why do you drink the drink?

I don't know much about what it is... I just know that it makes you silly. it makes you talk funny and it makes you do funny things.

at least, dad says that they're funny things. I don't think they're very funny.

mama remember when uncle todder went to heaven and we all went to his favorite campground for the weekend, where they threw a parade to remember his life?

I don't remember much about the parade, but I do remember you.

you drank the drink when it was very light outside. I tried to tuck you into the tent and make you rest, because rest always made you not silly anymore.

but you wouldn't listen. you didn't wanna sleep in the tent.

you went out in front of the tent and laid on the ground, that's where you slept. right out in the open.

I guess you were having a crazy dream right? you must've been, because you laid there sleeping on the ground, and you started touching your private parts mama.

there was a lot of people driving and walking past, and they would all stop and look at you.

I tried shaking you and waking you up, but you wouldn't budge.

you kept touching your private parts mama, and people were looking at you funny, and they were laughing! they said such mean things about you.

they asked me if I was alright, and if you were alright.

asked me if I needed help.

but I didn't need their help mama... I needed you.

but you wouldn't listen.

you embarrassed me mama.

you embarrassed me so many times.

remember when you promised me you would stop drinking the drink?

you said you wanted to be better. that you wanted to get better for me and brother.

you promised.

you promised so many things, so many times mama.

you promised.