The Tales of Grumpy Cat

My Brother, Pokey -.-

My name's Tartar Sauce, but you probably know me as Grumpy Cat. Now, before we get started. Let me clear a few things off with you.

1. I don't like you

2. You're stupid

3. I don't like you

Okay, so I have way more insults brewing for you already, even though I don't know you, but I'd rather not waste my grumpiness on a fool like you.

Anyway, life as a Grumpy Cat stinks. Duh. Out of all nine lives, this is the worst. And don't even get me started on my annoying brother Pokey. He's pokey, as the name states. He's always up in my business and never wants to leave me alone to send hate upon the world.

Pokey can be the occasionally grump, but he is nowhere near as grumpy as me. Sometimes he puts on a grumpy face but usually he just has a dumb look on his face showing how stupid he is.

One day, I was getting tired of that dumb look and thought, Hey, Pokey would look much less stupid if he kept a nice frown. Maybe I can help him...

So that's what I did. One day when I was thinking grumpy thoughts like about how much I hate Valentine's Day (another story), pokey Pokey can snooping around and so I told him, "Today, you're going to learn to be grumpy like me."

Pokey gave me his stupid look. Not exactly sure what it meant, but I took it as a yes. That was a bad answer though because he was not following the grumpy rules.

***Grumpy Rule #1: Always Say No.***

I started with Pokey's training by demonstrating a few horridly grumpy expressions. He gave me that stupid look for the one-millionth time and said, "Did you know, it takes more muscles to frown than to smile?"

I thought about what he'd said. It may have been true, but it did not make me want to smile even a tiny bit.

"True, but I like to stay in shape," I responded.

Pokey looked at me and thought about what I had said. "Hmm... makes since..." he replied.

We worked on his grumpiness more and more when I saw that he showed a small bit of potential. A small bit, though. A tiny little itty-bitty almost non-existent bit of potential. But that was still better than before.

He was starting to become better at the whole grumpy-thing when there was a knock at our door. We stood up and crept over at the door, giving nasty looks at it for disrupting our hard-work.

Our owner went to the door and opened it.

Not the camera crew, I thought. Just another reason to make me hate life.

The camera crew stopped by about once a week, getting shots of me and my nasty glare. It was annoying and it kept me famous. I think I was even going to be doing a live interview on TV soon.

The camera crew came to our living room and sat up their horrible equipment. Soon enough, they sat me on a table and hade me give them nasty looks. I hated them, so it really wasn't that hard.

"The problems with some people," I snarled as they flashed bright, blinding lights in my face. "Is that they are still alive."

Soon enough, after a few days, my picture with the "Still Alive" quote was all over the internet. Stupid idiots, probably you, were fanning all over it. The good thing was, I had finally taught Pokey to be a little more grumpy. Though it worked a little, he would never be me.