Suicide Drain Pipe

Drain Pipe

There's nothing left for me. I'm so cold...

My mother once told me, before the sickness took her, that no matter what I must protect my little brother. Now I've failed that one little job. My only purpose in life. Gone. I loved him. How could I be so stupid to leave him alone? Of course someone would steal his blanket! I'm so cold...

Night is fallen. It's getting colder. I'll probably freeze tonight like little Sam. Tonight is rumored to be the coldest freeze this winter. I need to find a place to stay warm. My hands are cold. So is my nose. It's too bad they're outlawed cause I'd give anything for a fire right now. Fire is what brings the disease. Of course it might be better to die of disease by a fire than feel the burning, numbing bite of cold. Stones, I'm cold!

I can hear the suicide drain pipe pattering away at the streets. I've heard its warm even on nights like this, but I've never approached it for fear of getting Sam wet. Oh stones, I'm so cold! Maybe it is worth a try. They say that as you sit in the water you see only happy memories of sun and summer and as the water trickles to a stop, you can hear the music of the angels as you fall into a sleep–never to wake up again.

There's no way anyone could know such a thing since all of those who have entered into the water of the drain pipe are dead by morning. I really must keep moving but I can't feel my toes and I'm dead tired. I'll just rest by the drain for a bit...

Oh, the water even smells good! I can't quite place the scent though. Maybe some kind of flower from a warmer place. I can feel the hot steam coming off the water, but its cold as it touches my nose. If only I could just live in those waters forever. If I could just live in there for a day...or a night. I have nothing left to live for. I feel nothing but cold and emptiness. I just want to give up. There is nothing I can do in life and so much I could do in death.

Oh it's so warm. The water running over my hand, taking the numbness and replacing it with a tingling pain as it slowly becomes alive again. The hot water hurts in its stark contrast to the ice cold wind and snow. I'd give my life for a moment of pure heat.
Both of my hands are submerged now and the water is flowing down my arms. It's so cold now as it runs to my elbows. It's so cold everywhere but in the flow of water. My arms inch further into the hot stream almost of their own accord.

No. I know I can't do this. What am I doing? But, the water trickling down my arms is freezing and just a little further will melt the ice.

Hssssssssss! The water steams off my frozen clothing and I realize my entire dress of rags is dripping with the burning water. Warmth...I want to be warm so bad it hurts. It really hurts....! The water is burning me! I'm going to die from being burned alive!

For half a second I pull back and the biting winds reach for me, warning me of the danger in its touch. I realize my life is over...from this moment I have lost my choice to live. I feel that instinctual desire to survive ebbing away in the hopelessness if a lost soul and the simple want for warmth.

I retreat. Back into the hot water, I find sweet release from what used to be my life of freezing. Instead I bask in the images of the high life, living in a place of luxury and warmth. Heat rising off the walls, the baths, the howling cold winds trapped on the other side of my castle. I'm powerful, beautiful, at peace with who I am. The girl I once was is lost in a figment of imagination. I smile letting the water rush into my frozen veins, melting away the ice of a different existence.

I hear something beautiful. Something made of dreams and hopes I had never even let cross my mind. Laughter! My little brother, Sam, is laughing! Looking up I see his beautiful face smiling and laughing, beckoning for me to join him. His face is filled with warmth and light, something I've never seen in his life time.  His hand reaches down to take mine and immediately I'm filled with a warmth undescribable like none I've ever experienced. It was more than physical warmth. It was the soul being given wings and flying towards the sun in a ray of grandeur and freedom.

My happiness made tears seep from the corners of my eyes and my voice, broken from tears and unuse, "I love you Sam!" tore my wandering mind back to reality. But not my soul. As I turned to look in the direction of my voice I see a pale frozen girl with her hair in plaited braids, smiling, ever so slightly, as the last drops of water from a drain pipe fall on to her waiting skin and freeze.

Poor girl. I wonder what led her to such a dark place in life. Turning back to Sam, I hold his little hand more tightly in mine and follow him into the light of the sun.