Chapter 1
Ron used Firefox. What a bitch.
Chapter 3
The cove was hidden deep in the Amazon Rainforest, and had been previously untouched by humans. Then some asshole came and touched it. But he didn't tell anyone about it except his close friends. And there, they built The Empire
Chapter 4
Deli and Bakery. Their customer base was largely snakes and uncontacted tribe members residing in the Amazon, but occasionally some white chick would come for the 'aesthetic'. Usually she would get killed and filleted for meat and her bladder would be used for a bowl. Sometimes she'd be fine. Isn't life crazy (#lifeisahighway.) There was a problem with The Empire, though: The employees were all fugitives of the state. These men had hidden away in the forest, making long johns and BLTs and the occasional white girl special (market price.) But they were wanted for like a whole bunch of things (idk bad guy stuff you know the type.) They thought they were hidden well enough, but they couldn't hide from one man: Shremrock Colmes.
Chapter 6
Shremrock was in the upper part of South America, just kind of penetrating people and drinking a lot. He was totally balls deep in this other human when the Bougenie appeared. She snapped her fingers and the woman being entered into vanished. Magic is super. She looked at Colmes and was like, "Shremrock, you will be sent to a cove deep in the central part of the heart of the Amazon Rainforest. There you will find some dudes, and they're total commis. Enemies of the state. So you have to get them and bring them to the South American government." Shremrock was like, "yup", and started to pull his pants up and head for the vague ass location the Bougenie gave him (#followyourheart.) But the Bougenie stopped him and said, "Remember. No mass murder this time. Totally defeats the purpose of saving people if you just kill everyone." Shremrock nodded his head, knowing full well he'd commit mass murder if it meant getting those criminals running a legitimate business off the streets.
Chapter 7
Shremrock got to the cove (idk how magic is super) and saw the snakes and white women and tribe members in line for pastries. He started to formulate a plan. He would walk up and order a doughnut. They would ask who to make the order out to, and he'd be like: Joe Justice. And then he would prolly kill them.
Chapter 8
He did all those things.
Chapter 9
But wait. He didn't get to finish his plan, because just as he was going to go stab some bitches up in they mouths, Shremrock heard the words that his friend Ron had once said to him: "I use Firefox. I'm a bitch." The words made Shremrock realize that all people deserve a second chance. He dropped the plastic spoon he was brandishing, and helped the criminals up. He told them, "I'm either going to murder everyone here in the name of justice, or you guys are going to come with me to the South American Government. I'm honestly hoping I can murder you all." Shremrock Colmes is a patriot.
Chapter whatever I don't wanna scroll
The men decided to listen to him. They went to the government place in South America, where they were all beheaded by the fascist dictator for not paying their parking tickets. Justice was served.
Chapter 11
In this story, we see that sometimes what society says is right isn't always right. For example, you may think it's okay to think dirty thoughts about someone cute. But if you do, God's gonna come down and bite your dick so hard you just won't know what to do with yourself. All praise that white guy in the sky who hates you for masterbating even though it was him who gave you a biological craving to have sex for pleasure in the first place. Super.
