Chapter 5:
Everything has been better since Michelle told me she would adopt me. I really apreciate all she has done to help me. The only problem is, since I remembered what happened between me and my brother, I'm really sad. Thinking about him leaving is like being stabbed in the heart over and over again. I miss him so much but at the same time I'm furious at him. Why did he leave me all alone? He knew mom was only gonna get worse. I was fuming mad and I knew I had to do something about it. I sat on Taylor's bed (since I still didn't have one of my own), turned on my laptop and began writing.
Writing always helps me when I feel a certain way that I know will make me do stuff that I will later on regret. When I'm mad and sad I write poems. I'm not very good at it but it really helps me control my emotions. I began typing like a maniac until I was finished.
I sometimes wish
you were here with me.
I sometimes hope
that you will come home.
You left me me all alone
even though you say it wasn't your fault.
You told me you loved me,
but what do words mean
when they're no actions that prove it's true?
You meant the world to me,
I looked up to you
because that's what baby sisters do.
I really wish you were here
to help me get through.
I really hope you'll help me because it's rough
being all alone.
No one deserves to live like this,
being me it's not fun.
I look perfect on the outside,
but wait 'till you take a look inside.
I'm nowhere near perfect,
that much I can assure you.
Even though I didn't get a say in this
I am still to blame.
Even though I wasn't awake
I am still to blame.
I lead him on
thinking it was only for fun.
The consecuences of my actions
are super big.
I just wanted to say,
that werever you are,
I still love you
but you are also to blame.
It made me feel a lot better and I actually liked it. Even though I know nobody's going to read it, I still felt proud of myself for such a good poem (that I wrote, anyways). I just hope things will improve and get better because, if not, let's just say I'll be going to an asylum.
(-)
It's been 6 months since Michelle told me she would adopt me, (which she already did, by the way) and things have improved. We moved to Colorado to start a new life (even though I was, and am, still pregnant and people will judge me wherever I am) but it was better than being in my old school with people who I thought were my friends saying I was a slut.
Taylor and I are going to a school were the principal already knows what happened to me and kindly let us in without hesitation. She let Taylor and I get every class together because mom (I have started calling Michelle that so people don't think I'm not her daughter) told her she didn't want me feeling lonely and that Taylor would help me with everything with stuff like me running off in the middle of the class because of morning sickness. I don't know why people call it 'morning sickness' when it happens any time of the day.
Anyways, we decided what we were gonna do with the babies (which are a little baby girl and a little baby boy). I'm gonna keep them, I know what you're probably thinking, "she's totally insane!" but mom will help me every step of the way and so will Taylor. And, besides, leaving them for adoption would mean they would probably get different parents and I want them to stay together. I don't want them,when they grow up and their adoptive parents tell them they're adopted, that they also have a twin sibling. It's too much for a person to take. That's why I'm keeping them.
"Can I go to the bathroom?" I asked my teacher with my hand raised. It was third period and I had already gone 4 times to the bathroom, without counting this one.
"Again? Alright, you may go." Mr. Jackson said. I told Taylor I could go alone and left the classroom. It takes me a while to get to the bathroom because how big my belly is. I can't even see my own feet! After I was done, I started walking back to the classroom. I was in the middle of the hallway when I felt something liquid running down my legs. That's weird, I already went to the bathroom, I thought. After I thought that was disgusting, of course. But then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I was already 8 months along and the doctor said that I could go into labor earlier do to the fact that I was having twins. I was so scared I couldn't even move from where I was.
"Are you ok?" Said a male voice not far from me. He jogged up to me and when he saw my face full of terror, my huge belly and the puddle of water at my feet he put two and two together. "Are you in labor right now?" His face looked scared too, like he didn't know what to do.
"Please call an ambulence, NOW!" I said as I felt a contraction. I started panting because of the pain. I knew it was gonna hurt but I didn't think it was gonna be like this! Before I knew it, the ambulence came and helped me give birth in the hospital. Thank god it was near-by.
When I saw my babies, suddenly all the pain was worth it. They were the most beautiful babies that I had ever seen. They looked so small and fragile that I was almost afraid of holding them because I thought I might hurt them. Almost. But before I could ask them if I could hold them, they took them away to check on them since they were born premature. I would get to hold them later, I thought before I dozed off and fell asleep due to exaustation.
