It’s been a while since either Dan or Phil has visited me. Perhaps they read the comments too. Recently, Phil put up our video, but I’ve been too afraid to even imagine the comments.
“Come to ours, it’s important.” So I do. In my pyjamas for the third day running, I enter the boy’s apartment.
“Congratulations for 100 subscribers!” They say, thrusting a cake at me. The cake, which has obviously been hand made with a lot of ‘talent’, is a Pokéball that’s topped with toys of my favourite Pokémon, Likitung and Emolga.
“Guys…I don’t know what to say.” I say honestly, stuck for words.
“It’s okay, but that’s not the point! You’ve got 100 subscribers! That’s amazing.” That’s easy coming from someone with three million subscribers.
“Thanks, but seriously guys.” I say, sighing. “I have to talk to you both. Sit down,” Obediently, they follow and sit cautiously on the sofa. “I can’t do it. They hate me. Now, don’t say anything just yet. I can’t use you, I know you’re trying to help, but I’ll just get a job at Starbucks.” I sigh and get up. “I know, I’m being a real downer. But honestly, all you’ve done is be nice to me.”
“Wait! Y/N…” Phil cries. “At least stay for a while? To celebrate what’s been?” I roll my eyes and accent the request, I’d hate to let Phil down.
A few hours pass, and I’ve been talked into sleeping over for the night.
“I’ll order the pizza,” I start.
“No. You’re our guest, Let us.” Dan interrupts.
“I hate you.” Dan laughs and pulls me in for a hug. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Phil. He’s standing awkwardly and just watching us. As Dan turns towards him, Phil pretends to be picking up the pamphlet, but I saw the way he looked at us. “So what Pizzas do we want?”
“Chicken and Sweetcorn and a New York Deli?” Phil suggests. Nods are shared and Dan heads to the bedroom to order the Pizza.
“Phil, are you okay? You look upset?” I say, genuinely concerned. The pain in his eyes is indescribable. I’ve always heard that you can tell a story from someone’s eyes, but never believed it- until now. I see hurt and misunderstanding, suffering and jealousy. I wish I could take away his pain, but I know I can’t. Without a word said, I lock my arms around his neck. “I’m so sorry.” The monotony in my voice drives me insane, but there’s no need for anything else. Phil tries to step away, but I won’t let go. I want to kiss him so much, just to prove that everything’s okay, to prove that I care about him. But I’m afraid that if I do, I will never look at Dan the same way. I’m about two centimetres from him before I realise what I’m doing and just step back. “I’m sorry, Phil.”
“It’s okay, Y/N. I know how much he means to you.” Phil steps away. I’m just left standing here in the centre of the room, alone. I want to cry, but my tears aren’t thick enough. I want to scream, but my voice isn’t loud enough. I want to die- and the urge is strong enough.
