MEMOIRS OF COLD TEMPERED LOVE

SELF INJURY 21

I entered the C.E.O's office looking like a rat, he was on his desk sorting out some papers which made me find a sit for myself as he acted like he has no idea i was in the office.

"Am-Am sorry Sir" i stammered, my blood was boiling inside
"I just called your Father to inform him am leaving town on sunday, so your wedding will be next tomorrow which is friday, you can get yourself ready before then" he  announced
i signed
Atleast i am happy for the information, i won't be getting more of Nads stories or sympathy
"thank you sir"
"you may leave"
i left the office partially happy.
*******

Nads
Nobody! i repeat NOBODY knows what am feeling about Sa'ad, anyone would call me a devil without hearing the side of my story, but am just being sincere i know am a bad friend to Aliya but atleast she should understand me,

how dare she cast me aside because of a man?

my mum  does'nt listen to me or ask me if am in a problem to share with her, you only see her in my room when my bipolar issues arose, neither my dad who i hav'nt seen for  eleven months and uncle iby my godfather for  month, i stay at home mostly with the maids sometimes locked up in my room, am so depressed and i have no one to talk to,
ofcourse i ai'nt the friendy type that is why i have only one friend and now we are keeping malice,
Am not the schooly type too
I dragged my phone and called Sa'ad
he is all i want to listen to
he is all i want
he is all i wish for
he don't have to love me back, as far as he is with me,
he stays with me then all is well with me.

"hello?"
" i told you not to call again what is wrong?"
"nothing, i just want to ask and hope he didnt scold you in his office"
" no he did'nt, he gave me a good news"
"and what should that be?" i asked coldly
"my wedding has been rescheduled to this friday"

i was shaking and i felt like i was holding a country on my bare hands,

tassssssssssssssss!!!!!!!!!!
Is all you can hear, my phone on the tiles!

There was a knock on the door
"Maa! are you okay?" a maid asked
"yes, yes i am fine" i clearly cleared my throat and answered
My whole body was boiling tears were falling down my cheeks.
My heart was soo heavy that i couldnt move an inch, i pulled my hair, dragged it but still could'nt feel the pain, i need to find something that can ease my pain, my scalp was already pouring out blood because of the way i pulled it hard,
why is there blood when i can't feel the pain?
my tears went dry
my heart ache and i felt like a needle was punched  and caress into my heart

Am really dying, i just need Sa'ad

i quickly stood up and drag my drawer searching anonymously and throwing everything  out i could'nt find anything
i opened the door and left to the kitchen which i made sure there was no one there first, i took a knife and went back to the room
locked it
went to the edge of the bed and dragged my hand out, i punched the knife hardly on my hand feeling the pain as blood rushed out of my body
yes! this is how i should feel, i cut  it again hardly this time around making some sounds and then rest by the bed,
I feel eased a bit,

i feel a sense of relief from  the intense feelings.
'Cutting can  really relieve the tension from bottled up sadness' i thought

********
Aliya

The news of my marriege was already on blogs, all over media alas my father is finally sending off his daughter, i felt very happy but tensed too,
i just wish Nads is here, i really miss her

Sa'ad called to ask if there was anything i need or any occassion, i said no because i really don't feel like.
if am to go for any occassion definately Nads will see it, and she will feel bad about it.
I was  locked up in a room with an old woman offering dilka and halwa.

********
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