Dedicating Every Day to You

Chapter Fifty-Four

The screen on my phone jumps to life, and I groan as a new text comes in. Flipping over onto my stomach, I click the power button to read the message.

Ay_Mamacita: Feliz Dia de los Muertos! Dire sus padres yo digo 'hola'!

Happy Day of the Dead! Tell your dads I say hello! I love Vanessa, but at seven in the morning on a Saturday, she is far too perky and upbeat. She should be sleeping, I should still be sleeping, and I really hope my dads are still sleeping, or we're all in trouble.

Vanessa told me once about Dia de los Muertos- the festival of the dead. It's a big-deal thing in all of the Central American countries. The first day is spent in remembrance of loved ones lost, building altars and having graveside vigils that often become their own small celebrations. The second day, however, is a costumed festival, with parades and music that fill the streets.

I climb out of bed and run downstairs. My dads are waiting on the couch, and Alex is holding a splintered wooden urn in his hands. The lid is tight on it, and I vaguely remember seeing it on the mantlepiece over the TV.

"Morning," I call, yawning a bit and blowing a loose curl out of my eyes.

"Morning," John responds, his voice distant. He's holding Alex, and both of them look a little misty-eyed. Alex keeps rubbing the urn, as if a genie is going to pop out at any second and grant us a million dollars.

I settle onto the end of the couch and tuck my knees up to my chin. "Is everything okay?"

Alex wraps an arm around me, and so I move closer. "Kathryn, I...I want you to meet my mom."

I look around, trying to see if she's hiding somewhere in the room. No one but the three of us is here, though. It takes me a second, but I realize exactly where she is. I tentatively reach out a hand and rub the top of the urn. "Hello, Mrs. Hamilton. I'm, um your granddaughter Kathryn." John gives me an encouraging nod, so I continue. "I got adopted by your son a bit more than a year ago, and I'm so, so happy to be a part of the family. You should be so proud of your son, he's really an incredible guy. If you're anything like him, I would have loved to meet you."

John runs his fingers over the wood next. "Hi, Mrs. Hamilton. It's your son in law again. I just wanted to tell you how incredible your son has become. He's kind and caring and intelligent and wise, and he's the greatest husband in the world. I know you weren't around for too long to see him, but I have to assume that he at least got his kindness from you. Alexander has told me stories about you, and you sound like an amazing woman."

It's Alex's turn now, and we both squeeze his hands as he opens his mouth. "Hi, Mom. It's Alex. I know I haven't talked to you with the whole family in a while. I'm still trying to find the right place, or the right day, to finally say goodbye to you. I know you said somewhere sunny, with a view of all the birds. I've seen a million perfect places, but I guess I'm just not ready." His voice breaks a little, a tear rolling down his cheek. "I don't think I'll ever be really ready to let go. I miss you, Maman. I wish you were here." He closes his eyes and sets the urn down on the coffee table.

We sit in silence for a few moments, John letting Alex cry silently into his shoulder. After a minute, I sit up straighter, struck by an idea. "Dad...today is the Day of the Dead. It's a Hispanic holiday that Vanessa told me about. It's all about letting go and saying goodbye."

"You're right." Alex takes a shuddering breath. "I'd almost forgotten. I guess today would be a good day for it."

*********

We get dressed, and Alex begins to just drive. Even though it's November and barely fifty degrees out, I'm wearing a brightly colored sundress with no jacket. Alex said that his mother, Rachel, loved the sunshine and would never wear long sleeves any day of the year. It's actually my favorite dress, the one I wore the first day I arrived here. It's gotten a little short and a little tight around the chest, but I still love it.

There's classical music playing on the radio, a tune that's familiar and yet I can't quite name. It's ethereal and haunting, beautiful and somewhat ghostly. Long after it's finished, it lingers in my mind.

Alex pulls over suddenly, in front of a trail into the woods. He unlocks the car, picks up the wooden urn, and climbs out. "Come on, you guys. I think this is the right place to do it."

Once we're out of the car, he leads us down the trail, thickly populated with trees and squirrels. The path slowly grows wider, until suddenly the trees seem to disappear. It's led us to a field full of sun-bleached, high grass and dandelions dried into white puffs. The sun is warmer here, and suddenly my dress doesn't feel as out of place.

Hands trembling, Alex removes the lid from the urn. "Maman," he whispers, voice afraid, "I've decided that today is the day. I hope I'm not letting you down. I love you so much...I finally found peace with the fact that you're gone. I'll never be able to fill the space in my heart for you, but I've found some incredible people to love." He's crying, and John kisses his forehead. "I've found more reasons to stay alive.

"You said you wanted to be carried off somewhere you can see the world and be in the sunshine. Here you go." Alex gives a shaking sigh. "I hope you like dancing. See you on the other side."

The wind picks up, and the soft, powdery ashes in the urn begin to blow out. Soon, they're everywhere, spiralling over us and carried away by the breeze. Alex is crying hard, but he's smiling, too, and he looks both relieved and forlorn at the same time. Clutching the two halves of the urn, he reminds me somehow of a little kid who just dropped an ice cream cone.

He was only a little kid when his mom died, come to think of it. Only twelve- two years younger than I am now. They both caught malaria, but after weeks of fighting it only he survived. For years, I was parentless, but I can't imagine what it would be like to have your mother die next to you. My own eyes fill with tears, and I hug Alex. John wraps his arms around both of us, and we stand in each other's arms, taking in the sun as Alex's mother dances around us.