Dedicating Every Day to You

Chapter Twenty-Nine

"Kathryn, I made your favorite dinner, and you're not eating. Are you alright?"

John and Alex are both staring intensely at me while I toy with a plate of mashed potatoes and chicken. I would eat- it is one of my favorites- but my nerves are shot. If I eat anything, the butterflies that live in my stomach are going to push it right back up again.

"I'm fine," I manage, the words choked out. My throat is tight, and everything is swimming in front of me. If I hadn't gone through my before-show stress before, I'd be panicked that I was going through some medical condition.

"Oh my God, Alex, do you think she's developing an eating disorder?" John looks so concerned that I have to laugh.

"No, Daddy, I'm fine. It's just nerves," I explain. "If I eat before a show, I get sick."

"Well, I'm going to send you with some food in your bag. Try to eat something, please." John heads back into the kitchen.

Alex laughs. "Are you excited?" He's all dressed up in one of his nice suits, not one he wears to work every day. This is a formal one, the kind that you have to hang in a special bag and iron before you even think about wearing.

"Yeah. Really, really, really nervous, though." I still have to brush my hair and finish packing my dance bag. My costume is waiting at the school.

"I understand. You're going to be alright at school for about an hour, right?" The ballet starts at seven, but I have to be there at five. Alex and John are going out for dinner together before the show.

"I'll be fine, Dad." I hug him, and then jump up to go get my bag and jacket. This is a nerve-wracking day for me. My first opening on pointe. In the hallway, I practice one more time. Step, kick, kick, leap, kick, touch. Again! I can't mess this up.

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"And, I fold." Annmarie drops a handful of M-n-M's into the center of the pillowcase. The rainbow-colored candy rains down amidst tiny cookies, Goldfish crackers, and Hot Fries.

Lauren laughs. "I've got an ace! The Hershey kisses are mine!"

Klara flops onto her back. "You cheated."

I'm sitting and playing Snack Poker with my fellow fairies. Annmarie, the Spring Fairy, is in her light green tutu with the pink silk flowers winding up it, munching idly on a RedVine. Lauren has a teal-green dress as the Summer Fairy, which matches the streaks in her dark hair. Klara is incredibly pale, which means she looks perfect in her light blue Winter Fairy costume.

When John said he would send me with some food, I didn't realize he meant the entire contents of a convenience store. Bags of chips, candy, everything he doesn't usually buy, are now all stuffed in my duffel bag. Food means I have the ultimate currency of backstage life- besides wifi.

Lauren sweeps the pile of snacks towards her. "I'm the supreme winner- but maybe I'll share with all of you." She throws a single Hot Fry, and it hits Annmarie on the nose. "A gift, peasant, from your queen."

Klara snatches a handful of Goldfish. "Never underestimate a peasant."

I take the giant chocolate chip cookie and hand half to Annmarie. "Little people grow- tough luck, mon ami."

Chad, our dance master, stalks backstage to us. "Fairies, get ready."

I tighten the ribbon on my left shoe, then do the awkward pointe-shoe run into the left wing, where I'll make my entrance. Annmarie leaps on, spinning and tucking in and whipping out. The music is cheerful and light, very like the flowers of the spring she portrays. I watch, entranced, as the lights of the stage turn very pale green.