*Trigger warning*
I looked down into the dark gray water below me. Shifting, churning waves lapped against the legs of the loading dock. I stood alone in the shipyard, the only noises being the occasional creak of a ship's hull or the squawk of a seagull, and of course my own breathing. But that was alright. I didn't mind being alone.
Small, silver fish darted just below the surface of the water. They knew how to live their lives in peace, staying just out of reach of the predators, just like I had learned at a young age. Keep your head down, your profile low, and stay out of his way, I remember telling my younger siblings after our mother had died. Our father was mean and abusive, and the only one who could calm his temper had been our mother, but she was gone. The beatings got worse every day, and being the eldest, I took the brunt of them.
I sighed and reached into the pocket of my sweatshirt, my fingers meeting the surfaces of two oblong objects. Both tools, but both deadly if used improperly. I took them both out. A pocket knife and a cigarette lighter. I clicked the lighter on and off, watching the small flame spark to life, then disappear just as fast. I flicked open the knife and held it over the flame. The faint scent of burning metal drifted up from the blade. I watched as the tempered steel slowly turned the yellow-orange color of the flame. I flicked off the lighter.
Taking a deep breath, I pressed the hot metal against the inside of my wrist. Ice, not fire, seemed to radiate out from the knife through my veins. I welcomed the cold sensation. I slowly pressed down harder, until a thin line of blood bloomed around the blade, sizzling upon contact with the hot metal. I dragged it along the artery, which was criss crossed with thin white lines from previous cuts. This was the first time I had added the fire.
I took the blade off and set it on my wrist again, this time cutting deeper and faster. There was no pain. Only the blood rushing in my ears and down my hand, dripping off my fingers, onto the dock, and into the water below. Crimson mixing with grey.
This is taking too long, I decided. I lifted the knife from my wrist and slowly moved it to the middle of my throat, right on the left carotid artery. I could feel my pulse push at the blade, getting weaker by the second as I continued to lose blood. It's now or never.
I pressed the knife in and felt it break my skin. I pressed harder and searing pain erupted through my body. I gasped and quickly dug in, and then slid the blade off. I dropped the knife. I could hear my heartbeat. I crumpled to the dock in slow motion. I thought I heard screaming. The pounding of footsteps.
"John!" The voice cried. Odd. It sounded like Alex. "John, no!" A blurry, dark shape appeared in my line of vision. As it bent closer to me, I could make out two eyes. Two beautiful, dark blue eyes. So it was Alex.
"What are you doing here?" I tried to say. All that came out was a strangled gurgle. I weakly coughed blood.
"No, John! No!" Alex wailed. I didn't understand why he was making such a fuss. "Please don't leave me," he whispered. "I'm sorry for whatever I did. Don't leave me."
"No, Alex," I tried to speak again. "You did nothing wrong. It was my fault . . . All my fault . . ." My vision started to go black. I coughed up more blood, weaker. I heard Alex screaming something into a phone, his voice distant and distorted. I felt warm drops hit the side of my face. Had it started to rain? Alexander's wide eyes were the last things I saw before my world completely faded away.
(A/N: Hello my pretties. This is not the ending to this. There will be a part two. I just haven't figured out if it should be a happy, sweet ending or a heart-wrenching, tragic ending. So please let me know in the comments what you want me to do.)
